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Confused.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by wdtgg, Jun 9, 2015.

  1. wdtgg

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    A few people
    I hadn't written here in a year, and it helped me solve some of my confusion but still there are bits that are confusing.

    I've done more research and learnt more of myself this past year, I came out to my dad as bisexual. He was shocked at first but he is fine with it. Surprisingly my mom knew long before I would admit myself that I've always been bisexual.

    As I was saying, I kept trying to learn more about gender identity, sexual orientation and sexual attraction.

    Since I was around 4 until I was 10 I would say at random (I don't remember the whole context) to my parents that I rather be a boy, I asked my mom to wear different clothing -no skirts/dresses-. I used to have middle lenght hair -no longer than shoulder-. I felt fine like that, but I wouldn't refer myself as boy or girl, somehow I tended to neutral terms when speaking in general not just to refer to myself. Due to how I wore and behaved most people confused me to be a boy most of the times. At some point my dad asked me why I said that (I would rather be a boy), and I mainly said I didn't like gender roles and I never fitted on gender roles, luckily my parents didn't press those on me.

    Then puberty hitted and I wouldn't say that again (I rather be a boy), I remained wearing as I liked and started to dislike the pressure to fit in the girl roles that other people around me did, but honestly I don't know in which gender I had ever saw myself... I guess for me gender wasn't as relevant as it seems to be for other people.
    On the other hand I now know I'm demisexual, and I don't show affection as most people seem to do, I rather quality time than other shows of affection, that doesn't mean I'm not soft to people that really matter to me. If I'm attracted to someone is because an emotional bond we share. So I guess all that mix is part why I've been closeted for that long, but at some point it was pretty confusing. I didn't even knew there were proper terms for all that. Now I know, but still gender identity remains confusing.

    Anyone can help me to figure out if I'm androgyne/genderfluid/agender or none of those?

    Thanks a lot beforehand.