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Am I genderfluid? I didn't progress to questioning like trans* people I know.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by DiamondShape, Jun 10, 2015.

  1. DiamondShape

    Regular Member

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    I do not question anyone else's legitimacy as a trans* person, only my own. I have some reasons for doubting I am genuinely a genderfluid person, and I'll list them below before talking about the reasons that I feel that I might be genderfluid.

    I only started having desires to be female (I was born XY) in college (25yo now).
    In college I suffered from depression, which I know can be intertwined with gender dysphoria.
    I have never felt agony about being the shape I am naturally, only a desire to be another shape as well.
    Being referred to with male pronouns has never felt wrong (then again, neither has being referred to by female pronouns).
    I have never felt like I have been missing organs, or that the organs I have aren't wanted.
    I do not feel like I am at the mercy of a switch.
    Fantasy plays a large role in my queer desires and how my queerness evolved.

    My best descriptions of the compulsions I feel about being female are simple: I just want to be one.
    I feel that I might fit in as that gender, too. And as a woman I could express behaviors that normally aren't accepted as a male and I could adopt new behavior strings as well. That’s. It. Nothing more complex about it.
    Other people knowing this about me isn’t necessary.
    Being accepted by my close friends and family for it isn’t necessary.
    Attraction-play isn’t necessary.
    Attention or drama as a product of a transformation isn’t necessary.
    Wearing women’s clothing isn’t necessary, so long as I had the real shape underneath and/or the appropriate social filter applied.
    I’d like to feel what it was like physically to be female, to explore a different body. But I don’t feel distressed about having male genitals and not having female ones. And while female genitalia are defining to that shape, I desire the shape as a whole. It's not really about what specifics I'm lacking, or things I have now that would be extra [as a woman].
    My desires to be female predominately take the shape of fantasizing about unreal transformation. Cross-dressing appeals to me only as a way to mimic this in the real world--though I do have to admit, I think I would prefer dancing in a [classy] female way (that would include a skirt or dress) to dancing in a male way.
    And furthermore, if I could magically switch between the two shapes, I would still spend time as a man and enjoy it.

    I could write a small book on all my thoughts regarding this debate that I've been having within myself for years now, but I'll spare you kind people from reading much more text. One important request regarding feedback: If a panel of genderfluid experts simply told me "yes" nor "no" with a % degree of surety I would be wholly satisfied. I am not looking so much for reasons to feel good or proud about myself as I am looking to figure out what I am. And if that answer is "not genderfluid," I think I could take it, just so I could finally put this debate to rest.
     
  2. GypsyButterfly

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    I've recently come to realize, that, I've always been gender fluid. Though, I don't care for labels, it does give me a better understanding of myself. Gender fluidity has a broad spectrum. Just like many other things. For me, it's a balance of male & female energy. With my dress, ideas, attitude, interests. Some days I feel decidedly more masculine. Other times, more feminine. I'm just me. If you're comfortable with who you are, that's what matters. Go by what feels right for you. Not anyone's preconceived notion of what a man or woman is suppose to be. I wish you success & enlightenment along your journey.
     
  3. BobbyFabulous

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    Hi Diamond, I agree with Gypsy and I'm in much the same boat they are in with recently starting to identitfy as genderfluid though looking back I know I always have been. Gender identity is incredibly personal and while it would be easy to say yes i understand who you are from a blog post and stamp a lable on it that's just not how it works. (I really wish it worked that way it would be so much easier)

    As someone who is in the genderfluid spectrum but has a large amount of my friends who are lesbian or MtF transgender I often get asked if I am transgender as well or would ever think about transitioning. I always have to say no unless there was an easy way to transition back. While I have days where I am more female or more male most days I am in a more middle ground where my physical gender doesn't matter and I would be fine either way.

    I am working on trying to present more feminine for the days that is how I am feeling but I know I could never transition fully because then I would just be in the reverse situation I am currently in.
     
  4. Jediknight36

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    You dont have to feel disphoria or a want to physically transition. I find agender works best for me, though I am probably genderfluid. I was born presenting as male. I hate looking masculine, and it is depressing but Ive learned to deal with it. Only recently have I allowed myself to ask those questions and only recently have I found teh language to describe those feelings. I own the label Transgender though constantly fear the fringe will count me as not trans enough, which is BS because there isnt an "enough". And Im turning 31 in August. Some come to it late in the game. For me, I just went with it because it saved more beatings and belittling when I was younger.