How to dress at weddings?

I feel I can relate.

For me, as I am not yet out to my family either, I typically dress very much like a boy. While I am required to wear women's clothing, it's the most masculine women's clothing I can find. That said, my family is used to the fact that I don't "dress like a girl" and that I utterly despise dresses/skirts/anything girly.

If I were in your position, I would simply say that I'm uncomfortable wearing a dress and would really like to wear pants and a button down (or whatever). Though considering you are a bridesmaid they may not let you do that unless you disclosed your transgender status. But don't feel like you have to come out if you're not ready to.

Alternatively, you could request to not be made bridesmaid and beg for someone else to be instead. Then just go as an audience member and insist on wearing whatever you want for that.

Chances are, if you are bent on wearing more typically masculine attire for the wedding, you are going to have to work hard to talk your parents into letting you. When you are explaining to them why you don't want to wear a dress, just lay out the simple truth. "This makes me uncomfortable" or "I don't like the way I feel/look in this" and request something else. If you have to repeat that, do it. Just make sure they get the message.

Worst case scenario, you will have to endure the dress or do something more extreme to avoid it. Like fake being sick so you can stay home, or flat out refuse to put on a dress (after all, they cannot force you into one), the possibilities are endless.

As for what to wear if you do get away with boys clothes, give a good old fashioned bowtie a go. I handmade one for myself since my parents don't like me buying them.

Best of luck to you.
-Rhys-

 

Completely understand the frustration. I was a groomsman in my cousin's wedding last year. Wish I could have been wearing a dress like the bridesmaids. Actually, just thought of an interesting thing that would have possibly sparked outrage, had we been out at the time - a bisexual, crossdressing, transgendered woman was escorting a cisgender lesbian woman down the aisle as part of the wedding party in a Catholic church. I was escorting my cousin for her brother's wedding.

 

This seems pretty difficult. I'm not trans, so I can't relate exactly.
Being a bridesmaid, it's kinda hard not to wear a dress.
But is it possible for you to not be a bridesmaid? If so, you could dress more masculine, or if you feel that's too much (cause you're not out) you could go gender neutral-ish. They have dress pants for both genders, you could wear a button up shirt or something? I'm not good at fashion so I wouldn't know.
Have you considered coming out? Though that's probably not an option..but then you could wear whatever you like, considering if your parents are okay with this
The best I can think of is dressing gender neutral to masculine at weddings. Some girls are uncomfortable in dresses as well (I hated all things feminine at some point) and wear pants to weddings. Maybe you could just tell your parents that because you're not out.
Maybe? I can't really relate, but I hope that helps

 

Weddings are difficult but more than anything you need to remember that a wedding isn't about you. It's their day and you should try to make it as complication free as possible.

But maybe that's just me. I love weddings and will go out of my way to help my friends with theirs.

 

What I'd do is wear the dress for the ceremony/pictures and then change into pants and a button down afterwards. That way you are only wearing the dress for about an hour or so. If the dress is long and it's not too hot you may even be able to pants underneath.

Think of wearing the dress as you wearing a costume or a disguise. It's always something you can take off and then be your true self later.

 

I know how you feel, my cousin is getting married next summer and I am expected to be a groomsman, and all I can think about is that I'll have been on hormones for a few months by then and how terrible it's going to be (I have an EXTREMELY homo / trans phobic uncle on that side as well). Just do what makes you comfortable, I am feeling pretty sure I'll end up backing out of my place as well as I won't feel good standing in front of all those people like that.

 

I agree with much of what has been posted, especially this. Finding a way to not be a bridesmaid would be better, but people who end up in that role usually need to stay there.

Please don't take this as belittling the issue -- bridesmaid duties can be like that for cis-females too, although it's not usually traumatic. I'll wear a comfortable sundress in hot weather, but I usually like androgynous clothes. My one experience as a bridesmaid made me feel very much out of place -- all those straight people, having to wear makeup, etc. (also known as "girl drag"). I thought of it as acting. (Contrary to the stereotype, the dress was actually attractive.) I'm not saying that's as bad as what the OP is going through, but it brings up some related thoughts.