Hey folks, I'm the mother of a 28 year old tg boy. Essentially, I was not aware of my child's situation until a few years ago. When the haircuts started getting real short, I asked my child if she was a lesbian. She said no. So I asked if she wanted to become a boy, and she said yes. I took a couple of deep breaths and asked how long this was going on. J said since 18 but didn't want to tell me because of my religion. Wow.. that was mind blowing. I said, "you're a Christian too though so why hide it from the person who has always backed you up in everything". Then J told me that there was a fear that we would disown her (him) and our continued financial support was needed. I really thought J knew that I was always on her(his) side no matter what. Anyway, I didn't understand it, but it's not for me to understand. Being straight, I'll never understand so all I could do is love my child. It's been a couple of years since I've known and my child moved to another state, so other than ask how it's going with the transition, I've had no involvement in the process. I thought that this would be a place where I was supposed to back off. Lately I've sensed J ' s frustration. Other than a short haircut, there has been no effort to get help so I started looking for a shrink in that town. I don't want her (him) jeopardizing health by taking hormones without a doctor's supervision and I sensed that it was coming to this. I've got a list of about 10 doctors to call on Monday, but I don't have any clue what I'm doing. I just know that I can't die knowing that he is unhappy. I can't leave this earth unless he is ok. J is thrilled that I'm trying to set something up. Even at 28, this is still my baby. I'm here to try to figure out where to start! As far as I'm told, J wants hormones and top surgery. I think therapy is essential, especially before getting rid of body parts. J is quite top heavy and binding does little to change appearance. Can someone tell me where to start, what questions to ask. Does anyone know how much the hormones will cost? I'm getting older and J has no siblings to rely on once I'm gone. He has a loving father but he won't be any help if I'm not around to push for it. I just want my brilliant and very talented child to be happy and move forward towards his hopes and dreams.. Thanks (Sorry about the pronouns.. I'm not used to it yet).
you could do some research try learning more of the subject you could try website like transgender101 i'm kinda new too this too myself i'm sorry if i'm not much help
Anything you could tell me would be greatly appreciated. J hasn't been terribly forthright. I think it's mostly out of respect. I have one MAJOR concern. I'm afraid J has lost his faith in God, or is letting it go by the wayside. It seems that all of his contacts are atheist, agnostic, or just reject the idea of salvation completely. J CHOSE, of his own free will, to be baptized at 18 years old. I give him gentle reminders that this is not the time to ditch his faith in Jesus.... that this path to transition will be fraught with many obstacles, and he will need God more than ever along the way. I try to remind him that Jesus came specifically for those who are suffering and he should take the love I have for him and the heartache i feel and multiply it by a gazillion to get even a small idea of how much God loves him. may I ask how old you are and confirm that you are a gg and have already or are in the process of transitioning? Are your parents helping? Have you sought out therapy or counseling? please, tell me about yourself. thanks, mom
Hello there,i'm 19 year old transguy and can tell you how for me the things are.First of all your son is so lucky that he has supportive and loving mother! My family is unsupportive and reject my needs as testosterone or just being more masculine . They really don't know what would make me happy. It is so cool that you search doctors and etc. Before taking any step is good to talk with him about how he sees himself and his transition (is he ready?Does he want to talk to therapist about that ?).It's better he to visit a therapist to make it clear for himself if it isn't for now. If he wants top surgery means that he has dysphoria why don't you talk about that with him?For me having dysphoria and without option telling my parents why im so sad is awful lonely feeling. So about transiotion the best is to talk with him. About the faith in God ,you know in my case i thought that i was mistake and God hate me just because people told me always that.That's why somehow i didn't wanted to believe,He already "hated" me.But accepting myself was even harder. It took me so long to understand that God loves all of us and being yorself is not a sin. I hope it helps. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
Hello, 21 y/o transguy here. I'm in kind of the same situation, but the other side. I came out to my parents a couple years ago. I'm not on T and haven't had surgery (this is because I am on an athletic scholarship for university, once I'm finished with that I plan to start immediately.) About him being afraid to come out - it's terrifying even to the most supportive people. My dad would even drop hints all the time (like: you know you can take a girl to prom, right?) and it still took me a long time to come out. Please don't take it personally. When it's that hard to come out to someone, it probably means he really loves/respects you and cares what you think of him. First, as far as doctors - he's gonna want to get in with a therapist first. You're not the only one that thinks people should have therapy before undergoing hormones or surgery. (You can at some places "informed consent" but the consensus is that it's better to have a therapist.) The therapist can then write a letter of approval for T/surgery. The therapist should have experience in gender identity, but if he/she doesn't and they are open/LGBT friendly that will probably work too. The most important thing is that he clicks with the therapist. Second, you both need support. Encourage him to attend support groups/social groups that are supportive if he isn't already. For you, you should check out PFLAG. It could be really useful. To learn more about trans issues, it's best to get to know someone in real life. Until then, feel free to ask us anything you are wondering about (if you're asking me, don't worry if you think it's offensive or anything, I'm willing to help educate.) Also, check out the trans community on youtube (usually searching "ftm 1 year transition" will help guide you to some channels. As for pronouns, it might be awkward wand difficult to get used to, but it'll make him feel better if you use the right pronouns when you talk about him. You can practice here by not including the she/her pronouns. Pronouns can be a really sore spot for transpeople. Every time the wrong pronoun is used, it signals that the person's identity is irrelevant. It's hard to explain this to a cisgender person (not transgender) but I'll try. You said you're a Christian. Imagine if every time someone used a pronoun for you, they were identifying you as an atheist. Not antagonistically, just casually but definitively, and multiple times in the same sentence and multiple sentences in a row. That's kind of what it feels like. Now when those people identify you as an atheist in front other people, the other people meeting you start identifying you as an atheist when they talk too, because that's what they've learned from listening to other people talking about you. They don't really care that you're an atheist, but you often can't focus on the rest of the conversation because your ear keeps hearing it, over and over. Again, feel free to ask any questions. I hope calling doctors went well. Hormones don't cost very much as far as it comes to healthcare. If his health insurance doesn't cover them, a vial might be about $100, and that would last at least a few months. Likely the therapist and blood tests (to check for healthy levels) will cost more than the actual testosterone. Surgery ranges from about 7,500 - 11,000 depending on what kind. If he's getting surgery, it might be worth getting a job, even part time at Starbucks or another employer with trans-inclusive healthcare to help cover the surgery. (When/if he decides to go for surgery, transbucket is a good site to see results from different surgeons.)
