Hey guys, just thought I'd let you know...

That I think I've worked out my identity *throws confetti* ^_^. *I'm still not 100% sure but sure-er. So, this is what happened.A few days ago, maybe even a week, I was still very confused, I was considering many different terms. Androgyne, FtM, genderfluid, transmasculine or even cis. Then my mom said that we were going out and to get dressed (I was still in my pyjamas). I had been experimenting with dressing more androgynously, so my clothes were very unisex and my hair was tied back so that from a front view it looks like my hair is short (planning on getting it cut soon). I was layering to hide my chest. I looked into the mirror and that's when it hit me. I saw exactly who I wanted to be at that moment. At that point, all my doubts went away. I didn't feel that I was an androgyne, FtM or genderfluid. I knew that I was transmasculine. A few days after that I tried the same thing only this time, I tried introducing myself (to myself in the mirror) as Sam which is what I'm considering as my new name. I still felt sort of unaccustomed to it but a bit more comfortable. In my head, I thought about the pronouns I want to use, singular they/them or male. Like the name I was still feeling a bit uncomfortable but feeling a little more used to it. I think that I'll definitely want surgery in the future however I'm only fifteen (well, in two months anyway) so I have plenty of time to think about that. As for sexuality and romantic attraction, that story is not as long. Ever since I was ten, I think I knew that I wasn't straight. I just didn't know a word to describe how I felt. At first I thought I was bisexual then later on realised that pansexual is probably a better fit . Now since then until maybe late last year/ early this year, I had been pushing these thoughts away. I guess I was scared of being different from everyone else. Looking back I can't see why I was so scared, why I felt so ashamed, why I denied it so much. It seems stupid because now I don't care whether I'm straight or not. When I was maybe thirteen, I started to get these feelings that I didn't want to be female. I told myself to deal with it, it was stupid for me to feel like this. The thought of being transgender never crossed my mind. Back then, I thought that trans people knew from a young age, they felt like they were trapped in their bodies. I wished to be a boy, therefore I thought it was impossible for me to be trans :rolleyes: . Things started to get worse, I hated my breasts, hated people calling me she, woman, female, etc. I started to wish that I had male genitalia. So, after some research, I decided that I must have been FtM. I tried that for a while but it didn't work. I guess I wanted to be a boy, kinda. I couldn't understand, how could you feel like a boy and a girl? Then I learned about non-binary genders. I tried this for a while and realised that I felt very isolated. So one day I typed in 'lgbt forums' into Google and EC came up. I joined and decided I'd post once anonymously then I'd leave. Yeah, that didn't happen Though something else happened. I doubted myself, told myself that I wasn't non-binary, that it was all in my head. So I 'went back' to being cis. This worked...for a little while. All my thoughts of being male came flooding back. It was worse than before, I felt very depressed and ended up coming back and doing more questioning. I realised that I'd never introduced myself so I did and I decided to stay. I learnt so much: that there's no such thing as being not trans enough, that sexual and romantic attraction are separate, that you don't always know from a young age, etc. So, I really wanted to thank everyone on here for being so helpful and supportive (*hug*). Also, I've decided to identify as transmasculine, panromantic and pansexual.

Now that I've got that out of the way:
Hi, I'm Sam!
Also, sorry if that was boring! (!)

 

Thanks everyone :icon_bigg

 

Thank you

 

Thanks