So, I don't know what to really say, my heads a bit all over the place at the moment. I've been thinking a lot about my gender of late, I'm not sure exactly why, it's just been on my mind. Actually I think it really started when I cut my hair really short again, it always used to be short, but I did nothing to it for 5 years, so it got pretty long. Anyway, I had my hair cut off short again, and was hit by the "oh shit, that's right, that's who I am." The long hair was never me. I've fluctuated a lot over the years, from tomboy, all the way through to dressing in women's 1940s style haha. However this is the first time that I've basically looked at myself and realised I'd rather not be female, I look at myself and don't want breasts to example. I bought a tight sports bra, and was quite happy with how it flattened me down. I don't want to be male, but I don't really want to be female, and it's screwing with my head. I'm confused, because I don't know where I stand with who I am I guess, and I don't know how to work it out. Then there's the part of me questioning why I'm even bothering to question. The one thing that's hovered over me the most is, how do you *feel* like a male or a female? I'm just, me. I don't know if I feel inside like either, and I think that's the part that's confused me the most throughout all of this. I just don't understand how you can feel like either? Maybe that's why I've never questioned it, because I've never really felt strongly about it? I don't know, sorry for the essay, but I just needed to get this out SOMEWHERE. Thanks for reading, and input would be great ---------- Post added 16th Jun 2015 at 11:52 AM ---------- Also, sorry if this is all over the shop, I've been typing it on my phone, while on break at work.
Well, first of all thanks for being honest and just talking. Feeling a gender is hard to do. What I've always done is just look in a mirror and ask, "What gender do you think that person in a mirror is?" And sometimes I see a girl and sometimes I see a guy, and sometimes I see neither. When I come to that conclusion, I ask myself, "Does seeing yourself as that gender, whatever it may be, make you happy?" And sometimes I don't know, and that's okay, because sometimes you can't know. But that's what I do. And I'm usually happy at seeing a guy, but I'm usually a teensy bit happier at seeing a girl. So really, I'm a little bit of both, and that's cool with me. But don't take my results for your own image. Try the mirror thing, it does help. And if you need to vent or just want to talk, message me. Good luck on your journey Best wishes, Bernie
