So I'm kind of having a gender identity crisis atm and need some advice and feedback. I also really want to get out all of the things that's going on in my head, so im sorry if this turns into rambling...Ill try to keep things straight to the point though. So, I recently have been expanding my knowledge on gender identity since i've been meeting a lot of non-binary people and the more i learn about what it means to be genderqueer and/or non-binary the more i relate to it. i feel comfortable in the body that im in and i like wearing girls clothes (sometimes i'll wear boys clothes) but i dont feel fully female and im not sure if im even female at all...? since i was little i've always expressed interest in both masculine and feminine things. so i'd want to go outside with my boy cousins and pretend to spiderman one day, and want to stay inside and play with barbies the next and that has always just felt like the norm to me. im still that way. i like doing both girl and boy things, but it never has anything to do with the fact they're boy or girl things. i just like doing and wearing whats most pleasurable and comfortable...but gender influence is never the motivation. growing up (and now) i've had a hard time fully relating to the female gender and sexuality. when women speak about what makes them feel like a woman...i feel a disconnect. not a complete one (because i like female oriented things) but a noticeable one. i actually sometimes feel like im more male than female mentally...but not enough to want to change my body or pronouns because i dont feel completely male either. i guess what im trying to say is i dont feel female enough to be considered a woman anymore nor do i feel male enough to call myself a man. i feel like i have qualities of both genders but not enough of both to be one or the other. im considering the possibility that im either agender with masculine and feminine interest or that im both male and female. when i wake up, i just feel like me. i feel both female and male energy inside of me, but not like a specified gender. i dont mind that people call me "she", but it does bother me when people make me feel like i have to act like a female or that i have to be one just because i have a female body. i just want to be seen, respected, and treated like a human being and thats it. i want to live without the expectations of any gender being placed on me. i want to dress and do what feels best for me no matter if its masculine or feminine. im tired of being told i cant act a certain way or do certain things that are male inclined because i'm female bodied. especially when a disconnection to the female gender is there for me. its frustrating and has made me feel shackled all of my life. i know i don't want this for myself anymore...but i don't really know how to define myself or what to do about it. its not that i dont like being a female, i just know thats not all i am or possibly even what i am anymore. i do identify as a lesbian because of my attraction to women, but if i am agender will i still be able to call myself a lesbian anymore? just because i dont fully identify with being a woman? i still want to...idk. a lot has been circling around in my head. i just want to be seen as a human who's into masculinity and femininity, who also dates women...what does this sound like to you guys? i'd really appreciate the help. im sorry if absolutely none of this makes since haha.
Wow, so much of this reminded me of myself. I almost wondered if I was reading my own words. :lol: Technically, you can call yourself whatever you want to. But you might come upon people who try to tell you that you can't be a lesbian if you're nonbinary. Still, it's your choice, and if that's what you feel you are, you can stick with it. I'm a demigirl. To me, that means I feel vaguely female, but mainly agender. So I identify as a lesbian because I do think there's a bit of a girl in me, even if I'm not like other girls and don't want to be treated the same as them. I certainly experience not relating to girls; in many ways I am more similar to boys and would rather be seen as one. But overall, I don't fit into the gender binary very well at all, especially mentally. Who needs gender anyway? ^^ I'm just me. The point I'm trying to get across is that you are whoever you say you are. Whoever you feel like you are inside, and whatever feels right to you.
thank you so much for responding and for your positive words. it really means a lot that you took the time to reply during a confusing time. i guess im just trying to find a word that describes what i feel inside because im not really sure right now what i feel comfortable calling myself anymore (gender wise). it's all so frustrating haha. i think predominantly, even though i feel both energies of both genders in me, that i don't really want to be anything. i kind of want to just be a person and to do whatever it is that i want without gender expectations. "you should wear this because you're a boy." "you cant do this because you're a girl." "oh you cant be a lesbian because you're not enough of a woman." i just want to detach from it all. i just want to be me and to still be able to date girls haha.
Makes sense, and I can relate. It's annoying when people expect you to be one specific thing, when gender labels can be such strict categories to try to squeeze yourself into. To me it sounds that you're likely agender. You want to be who you are without gender getting in the way of your personality, behavior, etc. You want to be seen as a person, not a gender, even if you have traits that may be stereotypically gendered. Some people might consider it accurate enough for you to identify as a lesbian, simply because you are biologically female. Your physical sex is part of who you are too, even if you don't feel quite like a girl. I don't think there's anything wrong with looking at it this way, if calling yourself a lesbian sounds more right to you than calling yourself gynesexual, or just 'interested in girls'. No one else can tell you who you are.
I think it's totally fine to call yourself however you'd like. There are many non-binary people who identify with lesbian/gay labels. These labels are for you, not for anybody else, do what makes you comfortable.
yeah :\ I'm might just stick with "interested in women and/or female bodied people" or just lesbian. I feel like its easier to explain or to say haha. I don't know if I'm agender or bigender...I know I feel both male & female energy...but I don't think I feel comfortable being defined by binaries or having the placed on me. I feel like it restricts me and it hurts my feelings to be honest. just because of how people make me feel because of my sex. it leaves me feeling upset. idk...it's just...the more I keep learning about what it means to be genderqueer...the more I feel like I've found others that feel the same ways that I do inside. like I've found my people. I'm getting more and more comfortable with it everyday. it makes me not want to allow people to treat me as a female anymore and to come out..but I don't know how. plus I'm ready for all of this to be over (people restricting me because of my sex). it hurts too much now that I'm starting to really know. I feel like the longer I keep my mouth closed about my gender...the longer I'll still have to suffer because of the societal expection & restrictions. maybe I'm a bigender person who wants to politically be agender haha. or I could be agender w/ gender expressions...idk lol. I cried after I left my mom today because I have on white and you can see my red boxers through them a little...she told me I "need" to wear different coloured underwear if I'm going to wear white. I know it was and overreactive response, but I'm so tired of people telling me wh0at I need to do...I'm gonna be 21 in 2 months -__- also? thank you guys again so much for your supporting me through this while I figure everything out. I've only talk to one person about this...it's not to be able to talk to others. especially others that understand
I just wanna put this here to share...just in case someone reads this and feels the same as I do and doesn't have it quite figured out yet. I'm androgyne! a mix of both genders, but im not necessarily one or the other. "Androgynes have a gender identity that can be a blend of both or neither of the binary genders. They may describe this as being between female and male, between man and woman, between masculine and feminine or simply 'in between.' They can also identify as neither feminine or masculine, or neither female and male" ...hopefully this helps someone else in the future lol. I finally figured it out haha.
