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Confused And Questioning My Gender

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by LuciaLukie, Jun 22, 2015.

  1. LuciaLukie

    LuciaLukie Guest

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    So, first of all, hello! :smilewave
    I'm Lucia, but I prefer my nickname Lukie, I'm 16 and I'm new on this site, and I made a post earlier about my Gender Identity, and someone advised me to come here, so here I am!
    And here's my problem: I'm not really sure if I'm just a extreme tomboy that's also a lesbian, or if I might be transgender. I've never really been very 'girly' and I've always hated anything stereotypically 'girly'. Ever since I was old enough to refuse, I have always told my mother that I won't wear dresses or skirts, and when I was eight years old, I had my hair cut really short and have kept it that way. Even my dad's hair is longer than mine. To me, longer hair just feels wrong. Since I hit puberty, I hated my breasts to the point that I wished I was able to cut them off. I secretly started binding them with bandages when I was about 12, and still do (everyone just thinks I'm naturally flat-chested, but so far I've managed to talk my mother out of taking me to the doctor about it). On the other hand, I've never minded my vagina, or being called a girl, nor have I ever thought 'I'm male', but often, when I get dragged out shopping with my sister, people mistake me for her brother or even her boyfriend, and to be honest (though I wouldn't date my sister), I actually like it when people say that, if she didn't get so flustered and embarrassed, I don't think those people would be corrected. Also, I've only ever been attracted to girls.

    So I really don't know anymore...I'm very confused.
     
  2. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    You seem to have gender dysphoria, which is often enough for a medical diagnosis of being transgender... then again, it depends on the psychology of the person, how they want to be perceived and how they perceive themselves.

    Some questions you might want to consider:

    - Do your sex characteristics and social gender role make you feel confused and/or depressed in any way?
    - Do you feel that you are something else than what meets the eye?
    - Do you consider yourself more masculine or feminine?
    - Would you prefer if people perceived you as male?
    - Would you have preferred to have been born male?
    - Do you have a fear of growing up? Do you dislike the idea of being thrown out into adult life?

    Also, could you explain as well as you can how you perceive your own gender?
     
  3. LuciaLukie

    LuciaLukie Guest

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    Thank you for your response! In answer to your questions:

    - I am very confused by the Gender roles society expects me to conform to and it does upset me quite a bit to know I don't fit people's expectations, it also bothers me to know that people have these expectations.

    - I feel different from the girls that are considered my peers, but I'm not sure how. I just don't fit in and I don't feel like them in anyway.

    - I prefer masculine mannerisms because...well I don't know, it just feels more natural.

    - It would feel more normal to me. I don't think I can act like I'm expected to as a girl, but I feel like when people think I'm a boy (some people do), they don't expect anything of me that I don't do anyway.

    - Again, I think I'd feel more natural and that maybe if I'd always been male, I wouldn't be going through this questioning stage.

    - I wouldn't say I'm afraid of growing up, I just want to know who and what I am inside properly before I grow up. The idea of only finding that out when I'm an adult does scare me for reasons I can't explain.

    How I perceive my own Gender? I'm not really sure about that. It still confuses me a lot.
     
  4. David21201

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    I want to ask you a few questions that helped ME through my questioning period.


    So you feel you wouldn't question if you were born male?

    Do you ever feel a "phantom dick"? (Like it's there but you can't see or tiuch it)

    Which gender are you in your dreams?


    Also, if you need anything feel free to contact me!
     
  5. LuciaLukie

    LuciaLukie Guest

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    Thanks for replying and trying to help me! Here's the answers to the questions you asked:

    Yep. I think if I was a boy, I'd seem much more 'normal' and so I wouldn't question anything.

    Not really had that feeling, nope.

    I don't know, it's really something I've paid a lot of attention too, until quite recently.

    Thank you for the support!
     
  6. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    So how do you feel? If not a girl, then what? A boy, or like you don't care, or something else? Take some time to think about how you feel inside.

    Have you ever wished that you were a boy?
     
  7. LuciaLukie

    LuciaLukie Guest

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    I do feel like I'm more like a boy than a girl, I'm just not sure if that's because I'm a tomboy or because I'm transgender, or for some other reason. I've been thing about it a lot recently, but it just seems to confuse me even more.

    I've often thought about what it would be like to be male. Sometimes when I'm around some male friends of mine, I watch the way they live their lives and wonder what it's like for them, and other times I feel like I'm already one of them and I already know.
     
  8. darkcomesoon

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    It definitely sounds like you are not cis. At this point, it's really a matter of figuring out exactly what label fits you, and only you can do that. It sounds like you could be a trans guy, but if that doesn't feel right, there are many nonbinary identities to consider.

    Side note: binding with bandages is really dangerous and can hurt you. Would it be possible for you to get yourself a binder (and, I would assume, hide it from your parents)? If not, there are many safer DIY binding methods that would be worth trying. Layering sports bras, folding up a small camisole, and using the top of a pair of small tights are all safer options (you can find more detailed info if you google them, but I can explain them further if you'd like if any of these sound like options).
     
  9. LuciaLukie

    LuciaLukie Guest

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    Thank you for the response. I think you're right about that, I've been thinking about it a lot recently, and I'm pretty sure I'm not comfortable as a girl, but I'm still trying figure out what label I am comfortable with calling myself.

    Is it? I didn't know that! I will look into other ways of binding, including binders though I think that would be a little difficult to keep hidden.
     
  10. David21201

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    With binding, I use two to three sports bras that are meant to be layered. I know in the UK theres several binder give away programs. If you have a camisole (make sure it has a built in bra and the elastic is still good) put it on backward and line the elastic part of the bra at about where your nipples are. Then fold the bottom up either straight up and then the bottom of that fold up again (2 folds) or fold the bottom mid stomach then up to chest (2 folds). There maybe a bit of bulge but it works. I tend to secure my camisole when I bind like that with bobby pins.

    Wearing loose clothing helps give the appearance of a smaller chest. If possible buy mens button downs. Women button downs are ok but mens help with the flatter chest.
     
  11. LuciaLukie

    LuciaLukie Guest

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    Thanks for your advice! I'll look for a more suitable method of binding than bandages soon.