Am I Jerk for Not Getting GF'S Gender Fluidity?

My girlfriend recently has been talking about wanting to take low dosage T to look more androgynous and wearing boys clothes: vests, button ups, loafers. I feel like a jerk, but I don't find myself attracted when she presents more masculine. We get along great, but am I wrong for wanting someone more traditionally feminine?

 

she would have to see a therapy you should have a talk with her is that really what she want

 

Honestly I don't think she'll go through with it, she's a singer and I doubt she'd want to mess with her voice. Also I don't think that's how T works. But it's just a turn off when she talks about it

 

I'm new to the whole t stuff I did not even know that stuff was real. but wait I thought you had to see some one to get approval to even start taking t

 

Yeah, you do unless you go to an informed consent clinic

 

Don't feel bad for what you're attracted to/not attracted to, it sounds like you're being accommodating as you can be under the circumstances.
It's fair enough for you, as someone whose attracted to women, to be a bit thrown off when a romantic partner starts expressing as otherwise so unless you're ignoring that it's their choice/life/body you sound like you're doing the best anyone would.

 

I don't think it makes you a jerk. I would advise against anyone taking T to look androgynous, a low dose will just make the changes slower, it doesn't make it less effective. T can be very powerful in making the body more masculine, if someone doesn't want that then they shouldn't take it.

 

You're not wrong for having preferences. Some relationships don't survive a person's transition and that's sad but okay. As long as your not trying to prevent your partner from transitioning, which it certainly doesn't sound like you're doing, you don't have to feel bad about it.

Regarding T, I agree with Max. Make sure your partner really knows how T works before they commit to this. It will have the same effects regardless of the dose. A low dose will just make them happen slower.

 

I'll dissent a little bit here, but only a little. Your preferences and feelings are yours, and nobody can really take them away. However, I'd also point out that it may be worth at least thinking about why it is a turn off, and understanding it a bit better. It may not change anything, but at the very least, it will be easier to articulate when you have to have that discussion.

 

The wrong hormones are awful for the wrong people. Cis or trans. I am using my medicine responsibly as prescribed, which is why it is making my life progressively better, but I think it would be educational for yourselves and others to read up on what happens when people are irresponsible

Anabolic Steroids and The Depression Connection

Just as that article will point out that the estrogen "backlash" comes with crippling dysphoria and high suicide risk for men, people like me and possibly your girlfriend and countless women in menopause can experience the same things reliably on testosterone.

HRT in my opinion is more about relieving mental exhaustion. The effects on your body are needed, so that you don't just replace mental with social exhaustion. But the effects they have on your body simply are not worth the effects the wrong ones have on your brain.

 

I mean you're into girls, so of course you're not a jerk.

 

^ very important

And as afab who has high estrogen levels since puberty hit, I can tell you that can be depressing and damaging to the thyroid, there is a reason why auto immune disease hit women more.
Taking any type of hormone irresponsible can lead to serious mental issues.

 

Thanks CauditiMorte.

OP I am not trying to say that taking some androgens is abuse. All I am trying to stress is that I think this bears mentioning a third time. The mental effects are significant and something to talk about.

 

You might feel like a jerk, but this is not your fault, nor hers. It's just a change, and probably a huge one for you both.

If you are attracted to a more feminine type of girl, and she is changing, you'll change too regarding your attraction for her. This is a logical consequence. You couldn't have predicted it, you just found this girl the way she was and fell in love with her.

Couples go through changes. To deal with them you need to communicate and be honest with each other. When you start to avoid talking about an issue, it's a sign that there is a problem. You keep silent about this, you are risking that it'll get out of control and start affecting other areas of the relationship.

Most of the couples are doomed when somebody decides to transition. They struggle to keep themselves next to the one transitioning to avoid making her or him feel bad, to prove your love, etc, call it what you want...

You can't try to change the way you feel about attraction : It won't work.

You might have the best of intentions, but on the long run you are buying a one way ticket to hurt both yourself and you partner. If you really love her, you better be honest with her right now. Don't leave for better times when she is more stable, just be sincere with her now.

 

Reminds me of my ex. My ex, for about six months, identified as gender fluid. This mainly consisted of her finding a male name for her 'boy days', wanting to go on testosterone but worrying about her singing voice, and figuring out how to bind her chest. It's worth mentioning that she didn't do this until after we broke up, so I can't say that this caused any relationship crisises or anything.

I think the big thing is for your girlfriend to think about whether this is really a thing for her. Hormones are going to be the last thing she'll want to do, since I don't think she realizes how big of an effect they'll really have. If she really wants to be androgynous, why not just crop her hair or something?

I don't blame you though. I'm bi but I'd feel a little weird if my partner all of a sudden decided he wasn't who I thought he was.