Hey people. I'm wondering if I could have a little input from you all. Here's the deal. I'm almost 9 months on T. I speak at an average of 105 hz, am starting to get facial hair, and am overall generally read as male by anyone who doesn't know me as otherwise. My mom is very unsupportive, however. And I live with her. I don't think my dad cares as much (I mean he cares, just it's not a back-breaking thing to him I think? He doesn't talk much :dry. My sister and especially her husband are very against it but I'm rarely in contact with them anyways so eh. They also like to say "F science! The Bible says God created Male and Female, therefore you were meant to be a girl!" Because that completely makes sense. My honorary-adopted brother is REALLY against trans people but I think a big part of that is that he's just been misinformed. My oldest brother, however, and his wife are very supportive. They've even asked me if I'd like them to start using my chosen name and I haven't really known what to say. I don't want to be tearing my family apart or something over this. But at the same time being called [birthname] and she all the time... and daughter and girl and even in PUBLIC. MAN. There's this saying that goes "ostrich who keeps head in sand during hot part of day gets burned in the end". Unfortunately, I'm the one who's feeling the heat right now. My mom isn't being unsupportive because she doesn't love me. She just -really- thinks it's because the devil has his grips on me basically and that supporting this would be hurting me. I even asked her, what if science proves this is biological in nature? She said, "So what if it does?" I kid you not. Jeeze. I mean, why do I feel like I have to "understand" where they're coming from and that "they need time" and that it's "hard for them". Meanwhile, I'm about to go inpatient for mental health reasons (I'm very depressed and they haven't found a med to work yet so they want to do something more intensive). Why does everyone else get to just be who they are and I'm not allowed to be? Why does she always rub salt in the wounds then smile at me and say she loves me? :bang: I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know how much names and pronouns can affect one's health. I've been there. However, my family was supportive. It was the school that wasn't. So I used their support to make up for the lack of help I had in school. Do you have some friends who support you? Do you know places you could go out to and introduce yourself as your chosen name? I really think you have to search for support out of your family, because they obviously don't support you at all. After 9 months on T, they had enough time to get used to it. For the family member who asked you if you wanted them to use your name, tell them yes. You know you want to and such a gesture could do wonders on your sanity. Also, you may want to move out and get away from them. In my opinion, they might be causing your depression by fueling your dysphoria. For your own health, that's probably the best thing to do.
hi. can't write much comforting words or anything right now but I just want you to know I'm in a very similar position, although I do get more support than you do. also got mental issues, don't know if I'll ever get over them. if you want to talk, I'll listen. hugs
That must be rough. I think you have every right to be called by your preferred pronouns and name. Although they may not support you, they are going to have to deal with it. You can't stop being you, even if they don't support your decision. You, sir, deserve to be treated like anyone else. As for the inpatient, its good that your getting help. Inpatient was really hard for me but Im so glad it happened. And if you ever need a friend, I'm here :3
Thanks everyone! Yeah moving out is 100% impossible right now so I'm stuck here. I have 2 friends. One I only see once in a while on Skype. Not usually for very long. The other we don't typically talk about deep stuff much or anything, again on Skype. That's really it. There are trans groups in my city but I find it both a bit overwhelming and hard to get to so it's pretty rare that I go. That's about it lol. So I never get to be myself really. I'm certain it doesn't cause the depression. But it sure doesn't help it lol. It's good to know others have had positive experiences going inpatient. I'm not too optimistic at this point but we'll see. Guess there's really not much I can do in this situation xD
Hey Ronin. I wanted to reply to you before I read what others wrote, so if I repeat some things already said then apologies. I can only speak from personal experience. I have a family very similar to yours. When I was about 10 I came out to my sisters as transgender. I didn't really know the words, I basically just told them 'I'm a boy'. My oldest sister is bisexual. She's about 10 years older than me. We were going to tell our parents at the same time. I chickened out, she didn't. She was kicked out... At about... 23?... I told my parents that I'm trans. I shaved my head, tossed out my clothes, and said 'F you all' basically. My mother told me this, I kid you not, "A demon must have gotten inside of you. That's an abomination." *sigh* One thing that I've learned is that you can't live for other people. Everyone has their own life to live and it's unfair for you to feel that you have to put your life on hold for the sake of your family. If their happiness is so predicated on what you're doing with your body then they need to look at themselves very carefully. I felt the same as you did growing up. It's why I waited until I was an adult before coming out to my family. I've gotten some support from some of them and no support from others and a lot of bad looks from the rest, but in the end, being myself is what makes me happy. I was actually out with my mother and my kids once, a guy called me 'sir' and my mother got so mad! She actually was very curt to the poor guy and I felt badly for him and embarrassed for myself. My kids actually call me dad and she corrects them... It's annoying being called by my birth name by my family, especially when they know how much I dislike it, but in the end, I know who and what I am. I think you should try to remember who and what you are and maybe try to live more for yourself. It's good to love your family and be concerned for them, but maybe they could extend the same courtesy to you. Maybe you should demand that they do. As for your sister who's willing to call you by your chosen name, maybe it will take her encouragement and understanding to sway the rest of your family.
I don't really have any advice on how to help, but wanted to offer my apologies and let you know that you don't deserve that kind of treatment. That really sucks. I'm so sorry. I'm here if you ever need to talk/rant.
