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Am I bisexual or bi-curious

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by IWICCO, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. IWICCO

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    I am a married man (to a woman) who is committed to my relationship. However, I have come to accept myself as being bisexual. TI have shared this with my wife (she is now OK with it) and a couple of close friends. This past week I met a gay friend for happy hour and he and I ended up in a nearby gay bar to continue hanging out. After a few drinks I confided in him that I am bisexual. He asked me why do I think that being married to a woman. I said I am very attracted to men, but also women. I also told him I have never actually slept with a man, but am very attracted to them. He told me he feels I am bi-curious, not bisexual. His response really through me. I feel like just when I have come to accept myself and even tell my wife as much, I am not being labeled bi-curious.

    I have not slept with a man is because I am married. Pure and simple. I take my wedding vows very seriously and cannot bring myself to cheat on my wife. I look beyond having an orgasm. She is my absolute best friend, soul mate and the nicest, most genuine person I know. I cannot hurt her. I am do want to sleep with a many to quell my curiosity, but I just cannot hurt her and deceive her. That said, does the fact that I have not slept with a man make me bi-curious and not bisexual?

    In every fiber of my body I want to sleep with a man, but I have to admit his comment made me wonder what if I do sleep with a man and don't like it? Does that mean either THAT guy was not the right fit or do I not really like men. Please help EC!
     
  2. CaillenJames

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    No one can tell you what you are. I can't say 'it sounds like you're bisexual'...

    I don't think there is a clear-cut definition of bisexuality, but Oxford defines it as a person being attracted to both the male and female sex. I think the notion of bi-curious is kind of silly. If a person is attracted to both males and females they're bi. I am not so presumptuous as to say people aren't bi-curious but just bi-sexual. Some people aren't necessarily attracted to both sexes but just want to experiment or are 'open' to whatever... I guess those people could be bi-curious.

    I think that the fact that you care so much for your wife is commendable. Especially considering that we live in a world now where the marriage vows have come to mean so little to so many. I don't know anything about your wife or your marriage, but if she is really so open to you, perhaps she would consider a three-some. I had a roommate in college whose parents were swingers. Both of her parents were gay but entered into a heterosexual marriage because of their religion (not sure how they rationalized that).

    Not every union is going to knock your socks off and throw your hair back... if you did have sex with a guy and it wasn't what you expected, it doesn't mean you're straight. Not necessarily. Maybe it means that he wasn't a good match. Maybe you were too nervous and couldn't enjoy it properly... There are just too many variables. Personally speaking, when I was younger I actually tried having sex with guys in hopes that I was wrong about my sexuality. I didn't want to be transgender, I wanted to be normal... or what I thought to be normal... so I slept with guys and it was pretty torturous. It didn't make me bi-curious and I don't consider myself to be bisexual. I always knew I liked girls, I just hoped that I could come to be attracted to boys as well.

    In the end it comes down to who you find yourself attracted to. Don't let it make you lose sleep.
     
  3. IWICCO

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    Thank you so much for your reply. It has definitely given me food for thought. I feel the same way you do about knowing I am bisexual. I don't think I would ever have told my wife if I was just curious. By the way, The three some will NEVER happen! LOL!
     
  4. Lyana

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    I was bisexual before I had any experience, whether with a guy or a girl.
    My first relationship was with the opposite gender. Still bisexual.
    Now, I'm in a relationship with a girl, and still bisexual.

    Bisexuality isn't defined by your actions. It doesn't mean you have to have sex with a guy and a girl. You could be bisexual and be single and celibate your whole life.

    You're attracted to men. You'd want to sleep with one. If you were single, you probably would. That doesn't sound "straight" to me. It doesn't sound "curious." It just sounds, well, monogamous.
     
  5. CaillenJames

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    Hahaha. Well it was worth a shot
     
  6. Just Jess

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    Dude you don't have to sleep with someone to prove anything. Just like I don't speak for all trans people the guy you met at the bar doesn't speak for all gay or bi people. His perspective was colored by a few things anyway if you think about it.

    So is mine. I considered myself bi curious at one point. I have never been attracted to guys but have messed around with some while coming to terms with the trans thing. Just like you I get what if messages from people. The most common is "you would have to be at least a little 'gay' (they mean into guys) to do that". It is confusing and frustrating when everyone seems to have an opinion over who you are and very easy to doubt yourself and your prior experiences. People change right?

    But the fact is sex will only work with another woman for me. A relationship with a guy won't work and sex would be one sided. Nothing can make me feel like being with another woman. And I am okay with that.

    Play your own game and figure yourself out. Other people and their opinions won't help.
     
  7. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Definitely bisexual. Your sexuality is based on attractions, and not actions. There are a lot of people out there who have never had sex with anyone, but they are not asexual and still have their own identities.

    I think It's wonderful that you care so much about your wife and can stay strong in your identity. Being monogamous will never invalidate you as a bisexual man.
     
  8. Invidia

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    ^lots of great advice above! take these guys' and gals' advice.

    also, DISCLAIMER: this belongs under Sexual and Romantic Orientation.

    keep talking though!

    it's confusing and all, but you'll get there <3
     
  9. thepandaboss

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    You sound bisexual to me too. I'm bisexual. To be perfectly honest, I've never had sex with a woman. But I don't necessarily need to have sex with a woman to know that I'm attracted to them and it's the same with you and guys. Someone can know they're gay without ever sleeping with another man. So same goes for being bi. You may find that a lot of people both in and out of the LGBT community may give you trouble for being bisexual but being bisexual is no less of a valid sexual orientation than being straight, gay or pansexual or whatever.