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Share some stories!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Invidia, Jun 26, 2015.

  1. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Location:
    Far above the clouds, gazing deep below the Earth
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    As trans, we often go back in time and examine our pasts, remembering our dysphoria that we didn't understand at the time and so on.

    My memory of my childhood has increased by like wow so much since I came out to myself as trans. Like. So much.

    My crushing jealousy on my step cousin and her beautiful red hair, her clothes, a strong woman with her heart in the right place. I saw all I wanted to be on a swing next to me and my heart bled so bad.
    That's one of my stories.

    So, trans friends, do you have some stories you would like to share? It can help and stuff. Serious or unserious, both are perfectly okay.

    (&&&)
     
  2. randomconnorcon

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    I remember packing. I didn't know the name for it at the time nor could I really explain to myself why I did it (and why I hid it). I haven't packed since I was eight or nine.
     
  3. Kodo

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    All my life, all my role models have been dudes. And also, all of my characters in any video game have always been male. That was before I became a teen and people could blame it on a "crush."

    I didn't want to be Cinderella, didn't want to be a fairy, didn't want to be Wonder Woman. Heck I just wanted to be Batman!
     
  4. The Purple One3

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    Back in the day, when The Purple One3 was a wee little lassy(I'm talkin preschool), she was like,"woah dewd, like, gurlz. I want, to be a girl (awww we're cute when we are ignorent.), but I mean, hey! I was born a guy so, whatever. I'll just put the thought aside. Probably normal. I grew up. Nope. XD
     
    #4 The Purple One3, Jun 26, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2015
  5. CaillenJames

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    I remember when I was about six years old I started trying to use the bathroom standing... Not easy. So very messy. At the time I didn't know anything about the way boys used the bathroom, it was just something that I felt I was supposed to do. Sitting on the toilet felt so weird... Anyway, my mom used to complain so much about the mess-- oops.

    I remember packing when I was a kid too. Like rolling up socks and putting them in my pants and looking at myself in the mirror. I called myself Michael too. Whenever my sisters and I would play pretend I was 'Michael'. Computer avatars. Writing stories. Drawing pictures of myself-- really it's so weird that my family never picked up on those things. I was always a boy to myself, just not to others. It's weird looking back; that was such a long time ago.

    ---------- Post added 26th Jun 2015 at 10:38 AM ----------

    Who doesn't want to be Batman!?

    ---------- Post added 26th Jun 2015 at 10:39 AM ----------

    I haven't done it since I was a kid as well. It's strange now that it doesn't occur to me anymore considering how much I used to think about it back then.
     
  6. randomconnorcon

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    I'm Batman. :wink:

    Ha! I was Robin Hood when I was a kid; I blame my mum, nan and stepmum for that one. The Kevin Costner film was ALWAYS on - still is - and I had to have a bow and arrow and wear green and be Robin Hood.

    The only time I was a Robin... because, you know, I'm Batman.
     
  7. Acm

    Acm Guest

    I used to idolise male celebrities or characters, thinking I had a crush on them when I really wanted to be like them. I even once tried to get my friend to call me by the name of a male rockstar I liked.

    When I was younger I thought I might actually be a biological boy and the doctors had made a mistake, and I thought I might develop like a guy.
     
  8. Xander27

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    Personally, I had a bunch of male cousins and a lot of uncles and stuff line that, and I used to get really jealous of gender roles. My mom equates this to my having been a feminist before I knew what that was, but like I would play the rough and tumble games and run and fight and play sports, and on the occasions I was forced into a dress and told I couldn't do that because it wasn't 'lady like' I would get really mad. I also used to insist I would be a ground pounder (army dude generally infantry) and I kept being told I couldn't because that's front lines and I'm a girl. Or people would get punched twice as hard if they told me they couldn't hit a girl. I also used to borrow my brothers clothes, and was told about 50 times a day to sit like a lady. I even cut my hair off with a pair of safety scissors when my mom told me I couldn't get the hair cut I wanted because I'm a girl.
     
  9. Natasha Elyssa

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    I have always been attracted to more feminine things. I carried purses when I was three. My sister put me in a dress when I was four, and I would try on my mom's bras. I always hated having short hair (it looked terrible on me) and always grew it long or at least tried to. My parents made me cut it every few months, until I started refusing to get haircuts. Then I slowly grew my hair long. The end. :slight_smile: <3
     
  10. Jellal

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    I was writing a story of mine and the main character was a boy. I was strongly considering the idea of him turning into a girl and staying that way for the rest of the story. Eventually I decided I wanted to just go with a straight up female protagonist instead. I then got a lot more invested in the idea of her character, like I was vicariously living through her. To this day I like RPing as her when I can with my friends in our tabletop games. Makes me feel more alive.
     
  11. Posthuman666

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    When I was around 6 years old I started feeling weird about my gender, but since I was catholic then and my family is conservative I denied it. But to combat the dysphoria I grew my hair out and people still think Its just a fashion thing.


    As early as I can remember, I felt, no I knew I was a girl. But because of my family and religion pressing on me, I denied for 14 years. I denied who and what I was until this year. I stuffed my feelings so far down I convinced myself I was actually a straight male. I hated myself for a long time..... and then.. I accepted myself and now things are awesome!
     
  12. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Your stories are all really great <3

    I will answer them tomorrow, right now I'm super drunk lol!

    Keep talking, it helps us get through the day!

    Ly all <3
     
  13. thepandaboss

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    Well, when I was a kid, I remember getting really, really jealous over my brother getting a basketball on his birthday. I'd also run around shirtless when possible. Like I'd wear an open shirt, pretend I was Aladdin and that would be that.

    I think I tried peeing standing up once or twice. And when I was four, I actually tried to have a penis measuring contest with a neighborhood kid. The twist? The kid was a girl, but I think she was intersex (so she had something a little different) and I thought what I had myself was a tiny penis (technically, kid me was right but I was really, really shocked when my mom sat down and explained things to me).

    I always played dudes in video games and could never, ever write a convincing female character in a book.

    And weird thing. I remember as a teenager, I'd look in the mirror and it'd seem really vague and weird to me. Well, I'm looking back on pictures and videos that were taken a few years ago, right? And it strikes me why I thought I looked so weird. I was always looking for the man in my face, you know? I've mistaken at least half a dozen pictures of teenaged me for a female cousin because none of those pictures looked like how I saw myself. Once I started presenting male, I felt like I finally looked like me.
     
  14. BluhImCourtney

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    I don't know if I should feel embarrassed about this stuff or not. ._.

    Okay, so like... when I was like... 4 or 5 (can't remember, just know I was really young), my family and I were at a store (I think it was Target, can't remember), I remember passing by the lingerie section, with like all the bras and stuff, and I pointed to the bras and I asked my mom, "What are those," cause like, I was 4. ._.

    My mom told me something like, "They're bras, girls wear them for the chest," or something. And I remember saying something like, "oh. So when do I get to wear one?"

    And then my mom was like, no silly, you don't, and chuckled and stuff. And then I found out one of the things we were shopping for was underwear for me and my brother. I remember throwing a mini fit in the store when they picked out boys' underwear for me. ._.

    Luckily there was hardly anybody else in the store... like only 3 that I saw. ._.

    Then I think it was kinda blank in terms of "events" for a while. Although I did get a Lilo doll from Lilo & Stitch. And there was one time when I was like 5 or 6 when I wanted to get action figures/dolls or whatever of female batman characters because they were like... strong female characters and stuff. (badass feminist even in childhood. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: )

    When I was in school, the first year, I think I might have asserted I was a girl, although I'm not entirely sure. During like a fun day type event, we were designing our own shirts, and I had wanted to make mine with the other girls in the class (I say "other" in hindsight, no one really knew/took it seriously). I remember telling my best friend that I had felt like a girl sometime before I left NJ to NY, and she was alright with it. I don't think either of is really understood anything at the time. ._.

    When I moved to NY, though, I was kinda bullied for being too feminine for a bio male. So I kinda tried to just fit into the boy crowd, but it felt like I was lying to myself a little, so I kinda just started being a loner at that point. Still associating with girls and the occasional male best friend, though.

    At the end of elementary school, when they showed us "the movie", we were split into the boys and girls rooms, the girls watched one thing while the boys watched another. I was walking into the room where all my female peers and friends were going, and the directors there stopped me and we're like, "Yo dude, don't want to go in there." And then I was moved into the boys room. ._.

    For the entire video I was just grump cat, and I was trying to do things that would actually get me kicked out, like poking people. xD I did NOT want to be there. :lol:

    Then in middle school, I joined the orchestra (again, was in it in 3rd and 5th grade in elementary), and at one point, some girls from the color guard were trying to get new people into said color guard. I was just like, where's the sign in sheet, and then they said, "Aww, you're cute, don't worry what other people think, though, boys can join the color guard, too." Eh. ._.

    Since middle school was the start of puberty, I felt horrible almost all the time. I cried almost everyday in class, I just started hating myself and my body, and hated myself even more when my dad found out I was crying alot, and yelled at me to "be a man" or "man up".

    I also tried to sit like other girls when no one was looking so I could avoid any possible bullying, and felt more comfortable doing the things other girls did, like mannerisms and stuff I guess.

    It was also at this point I started questioning my sexuality, and thought that was why I was feeling so horrible because kids always shouted that words like gay and fag at each other, although that didnt last long since I was kinda confident that I liked both guys and girls, so I was at a loss again ... until I saw an episode of Degrassi TNG one night on TeenNick. It was one of the episodes starring Adam, and I found out that night what the word "transgender" means, and it finally kinda clicked, I guess. ._. I think I was about 14 or so?

    Anyways, at about that time, much like some other people here, I started playing an MMO, and made a female character, and got so happy when I made friends who recognized me as female and I found a place where I could be myself and no one would judge me. I mean, I wasn't overly girly, since I'm kinda a feminine tomboy, but at least I could be myself with people who accepted that self.

    I told my guidance counselor and eventually my parents about that, they didn't really think much of it, but it meant the world to me.

    And about a year later, I kinda came out to my parents. And here I am now, on hormones since May 6th. ._.

    ... wow. I'm sorry I posted my life story, I just had to say all that at one point and felt kind of embarrassed talking about it face to face, if that makes sense. >_>

    I think I missed the part where my parents had to get their licenses renewed at one point, and at the DMV that we went to, I met a woman who was about 20 or so with her boyfriend, and I kinda just looked up to her, she was really nice. ._.
     
  15. Florestan

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    I would always pretend I lived in a fantasy world where I was an elf. I found the tunics and long flowing hair very appealing. My first experiments with cross dressing were a result of trying to look more like fantasy-world me.
     
  16. Matto_Corvo

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    I really had no idea what I was experiencing in high school was dysphoria. I was always told it was natural for girls to be jealous of boys and that all girls have dick envy.
     
  17. lonewolfblair

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    I remember when i was i like around five or so i used to pretend to go through a magical girl transformation (although i got the idea from a cartoon not anime) but i didn't Change clothing i just returned to what i was wearing before.

    And when i was six i used to play house with the girls (i for some bizzare reason always chose the role of baby)

    And i know this next one isn't a. A storie or b. From my childhood but i reckoned i should mention it anyway:
    So last year i began noticing i had an affinity for hanging out with girls and usually prefer their company.
     
  18. yaoicore

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    I was always truly ment to be a king,as growing up little girls want it to be a princess I just want it to be a prince I always thought of my self as one. I also told myself when I got older that I would grow a dick hey don't judge I was just a kid. as I got older I want it to be the boys I had a crush on.
     
  19. Matto_Corvo

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    I remember in middle school I told someone that like he over she, hero over heroine, knight, anfld all these other male pronouns. I didn't know why I just did. Someone's mom was nearby and immeaditly launched into a lecture of how I was falling for the what the males wanted me to.
    After that I tried to not like those things anymore. I put even more effort into being girly and even today I feel guilty for wanting to be male.
     
  20. yaoicore

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    I don't even feel like I deserve to be called a male at all or gay. I feel your pain.