1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Should I tell my grandmother... before my parents?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kodo, Jun 26, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Kodo

    Kodo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    1,830
    Likes Received:
    849
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Right off the bat people will probably be like NO TELL YOUR PARENTS FIRST. Hear me out...

    I'm staying with my grandmother until the beginning of August (we are several states away from my home). It's just me and her. Another thing is that she is literally the most loving and amazing human being I've ever met and I feel like she - out of all my family - might accept me.

    Though here is a problem. I have no clue what her opinions are on LGBT issues, let alone the T in LGBT. I've never heard her talk about them once. So that scares me.

    I have my letter that I'm going to give to my parents, which explains in depth about all of this. I could let her read it so she could really get a handle on it and understand what I'm going through. Then again, it is super personal and I don't usually (make that ever) talk about personal things with family, let alone extended family.

    But if I told her it would put her in a very awkward position. She would probably feel uncomfortable every time she called me a girl, or said my name after that point. But she would probably also be uncomfortable with referring to me as male or calling me Peter (my chosen name) since my parents don't even know about this yet... especially since she usually takes signals from them about how to treat me and my siblings.

    Another thing! When I come out to my parents on my birthday - August 15 - I'm really going to need support. Now I chose to come out on my 17th birthday instead of my 18th so that my family would have a year to adjust to the fact that I'm trans... But I still feel like I may eventually (when I'm an adult and medically transitioning) be disowned by my immediate family. If my grandmother got the news directly from me it would decrease the chance that she would get the wrong message from my family about me. Then in the future, she may be a means of support or a place to go when I have no one else.

    Just trying to consider my options. Thoughts, anyone?
     
    #1 Kodo, Jun 26, 2015
  2. Jellal

    Jellal
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2014
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I struggled with this same issue myself and ultimately I decided not to tell my grandmother. However my reasoning was slightly different, I guess because I knew my grandma was hardcore against the LGBT. There's no way she'd ever take me seriously as a trans girl, and I think she might wanna disown me. So this is something that I decided to only tell to people I figured would be able to handle it, at least those I could confirm were not wholly prejudiced.

    Maybe a smart thing for you to do would be to see if you can get a better understanding of her feelings on LGBT people first. Bring up the topic in conversation. Once you have more knowledge of how accepted you might be, then you could strongly consider coming out.
     
    #2 Jellal, Jun 26, 2015
  3. randomconnorcon

    randomconnorcon
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    550
    Likes Received:
    28
    Location:
    Liverpool, England
    I agree about finding out her thoughts on LGBT+ issues and people first. Maybe try and bring up recent goings on, like marriage equality and Caitlyn Jenner (just examples - I used Caitlyn Jenner and an English trans woman called Kellie with one of my grandmothers). If her thoughts are positive or at least on the positive side of neutral then your idea to come out to her so you may have that support later might be a good one.
     
    #3 randomconnorcon, Jun 26, 2015
  4. Florestan

    Florestan
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2015
    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think if you find it she would be supportive, there's no reason to hold back. It may be difficult to hide something from your parents while opening up to her, but you need to worry about your own wellbeing. It's good to have a safety net in place, so if your parents kick you out or even just try to make life hell for you, there'll be a way out.
     
    #4 Florestan, Jun 26, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)