I want to tell my family that "yes, I do want to become a man." But then when I think about telling them, and asking them to call me he/him, and Alexander and I know how silly it will all sounds. Look at me with my big boobs and round hips, clearly I'm a girl. I could tell them about the pain I felt in high school, that dysphoria that lasted right up in till medical issues took my mind off it. I can tell them that while I might not experience physical dysphoria any longer, I still have the emotional dysphoria. The mental/emotional pain I feel when I think of how I might never be a man. The longing I get when I think about being one. I can tell them so much but would they really understand? Its like being assigned a costume at birth, this thing to cover the soul. As we grow we fill it more. For some it fits like a glove. But for others the costume soon grows to small. We experience discomfort and pain. We pull and push and try to break free. The stitching is strained but it holds, and we cave and conform. We say the discomfort isn't that bad, we grow use to and figure it is normal for all. Then something gives, perhaps a weak area in the stitching. We can see a glimpse of ourselves as we turn around. Wanting to see more we start tearing at the ill fitting costume, deconstructing. Then taking the same material of our outfit and build a new one, a better one. But as we do so we are watched and found crazy by those who like their original costumes. I could explain this to them I guess, but would it make sense? They will find me silly and can you blame them when I look like a girl? Idk just feeling kind of hopeless.
Hey there, One thing that I learned about my family is that they understood and accepted me way more than I thought they would, so if it's important to you, you could always try giving them the chance. They can't understand you if you don't open up to them. Yes, they might disappoint you, that's the scary part about coming out about anything, but maybe they won't. Also, you may think you look like a girl, but that doesn't mean you ARE a girl. I look like a lot of things- Doesn't mean that's the real story. Also, judging off your profile pic and the pictures in your album, I wouldn't assume you were a girl if we randomly met- I'd probably avoid pronouns until I had a chance to politely/privately ask you.
CadutiMorte, I can really identify with your post. You put the pain so eloquently. Coming out to family is really hard, but once it is over it is like a weight being lifted off your chest. At least you spoke up as YOU. They may not get it, but at least they will know and maybe try to help you on your journey. Do what feels right.
I feel the same way! I've been thinking about this a lot and actually worrying that I wouldn't feel silly or embarrassed if I was really trans. I'm glad I'm not alone. Good luck.
