Reassesing my gender, also hello!

Hey there,

I've just recently begun to feel like my assigned sex (female) doesn't really fit with who i am, i'm almost 26 and until recently i didn't have any issues, I've never really felt like a woman, more like i'm just playing a role, but i have aspergers so i figured the reason i didn't fit in with other women was that i didn't think the same. I've flipped between being boyish and feminine, but i mostly dress fairly androgynous unless i feel especially one or the other that day. This has all started to come to the surface because my body recently changed, i always had a fairly boyish figure, very little in the way of breasts, narrow hips etc. For some reason my breasts recently went from a AA to a B cup, and i was suddenly very unhappy with them. I don't want them gone, i just want my androgynous figure back, it felt more like me, girly enough that i could wear a dress without feeling silly, but neutral enough that i can look boyish if i want to.

I flip between genders in terms of expression, not always, my normal mode of dress is neutral, jeans, a t-shirt, boots or converses, my hair is short as i lack whatever it is that makes girls good with hair. Some days i feel hyper girly and will wear a dress, and put on makeup and wear a normal bra and be quite happy with myself. Other days i will wear jeans or trousers with a shirt and i will wear a sports bra to make my breasts look smaller.

My girlfriend was the one who suggested that i'm probably genderfluid, and that does seem to fit best. I just don't know how to go from here, i don't want to change anything really, since discovering sports bras I've had less trouble with my breasts on boyish days, but i can't look in the mirror on those days without getting quite upset with them. I can't really come out to my family as genderfluid, my girlfriend is trans, and although they've been ok with her for the most part, my Dad in particular doesn't really understand and often says things that are a little rude. They had enough difficulty with me being a lesbian without widening the gap further. I want to be open with people, but not everyone, i created a new facebook profile with a more gender neutral name (hence Morgan, not my real name, but it's suitably neutral and i like it) So far my only friend on there is my girlfriend and i don't really think there is anyone else on my main friends list who i could trust enough to add, that makes me sad, i finally decide to be myself, and i can't tell anyone about it! So i joined this site in the hopes of finding other people who might understand me.

Sorry for the length of this post, but yeah that's me, still figuring things out, but i wanted to introduce myself and explain why i'm here. So hi!

 

Thank you I do hope so, i don't really know anyone like me yet, this is all new and a little confusing!

 

Yes, it's taken a long time to get to this point, in many way's i'm glad my body changed or i would have always felt different without knowing why. Thanks, I'll look them up