I'm pretty sure I'm a genderqueer ftm, and I'm going into 9th grade after this summer. I turn 15 in about a month, and I currently figure skate. I don't have any kind of awful/suicidal dysphoria or anything, but I do have gender euphoria. When people treat me more like a guy or I dress more masculine, I feel uncomfortable (like about how people might react) but more like myself. Not only is my long hair kind of a pain, but I really want shorter hair. The catch is, last year when I asked my mom about this, she said I'd have to wear makeup so I don't look like a guy. For one thing, I have no desire to wear makeup and hate the way I look with it (I experimented with a small amount of eye shadow years ago and I honestly think lipstick and all that other stuff is gross). And looking like I actually want to look feminine is the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do here. As for the issue of pronouns and binding, I'll cross those bridges when I get to them, but another thing I'm pretty uncomfortable with is my breasts. I hate that I'm using that word when I'm typing, even though I have small-ish ones. When I think about myself down the road, I totally cannot picture myself living happily as a female. I really want to enjoy high school, because it seems like it'll be great for me, and people in my family said they had a blast. High school seems like a more accepting place than middle school where I can truly be myself, if things go mostly right. To be honest, I feel like I've spent enough of my teenhood being frustrated about gender issues. I really don't want to spend all of my high school years acting like someone I'm not, or being stuck in the closet anymore. :bang: My parents, friends, and some of my relatives are great people, and said people are all happy about the marriage equality thing and the Caitlyn Jenner story as well. I know for certain that many of my friends and one of my uncles are totally lgbt-accepting, because my uncle is gay and one of my best friends is openly supportive of queer rights. A bunch of my mom's facebook friends changed their profile pictures to celebrate marriage equality, and my uncle has a ton of things in common with me and is super funny and generally a cool person. So I know I can probably tell at least a couple of folks I know and get a good reaction. But how on earth am I supposed to get my hair cut and break the news to people? I only wear sports bras, so that's like a smaller and more subtle step before binding, at least. And even though my mom seemed happy about Caitlyn, I don't know how she'd react to me trying to come out again. And I'd like to take it all slowly, so it's not some crazy all-at-once change; that way, everyone would have time to get used to it. The first order of business is some advice and a much needed haircut, though. xD Hopefully I can get that in the next year or so at the maximum; I'm just sick of long hair in general. The only potential issue with my hair besides my parents is the fact that I'll probably still skate in my sophomore year. I have no idea how my coach and fellow skaters would react. I don't want to take pe in high school for several reasons, so I'm doing an online course this summer, and probably next summer too since I think gym is required for the first two years of hs. If it isn't, though, I'll update this thread. I like skating but I'm not sure I want to actually do regular lessons and practices anymore. Personally, I'd rather be able to go when I want to and just do it for fun, but going back to the gym course thing, that's not really an option. Good lord, sorry this was so long; kudos and a Saint's Patience Award to anyone who reads this and replies!
It's all good, so no worries. For me, I got to a point where transitioning was a matter of life and death. Some people came around quicker than others when I came out, but it was better than getting complete hate. With hair cuts, my initial excuse to my family was that shorter hair was easier to manage and take care of. Since your family seems chill about things, you probably won't have an issue.
I feel a lot like you do - I feel more comfortable and confident when I look, act, and am treated more like a guy. I dislike my chest, but I'm okay with my genitalia. I really want to be myself, but I'm terrified that I might be wrong about who "myself" actually is. I don't know how to even begin the conversation around gender identity with people, especially my parents. Closets suck - no one should have to live in one. I want to be out and to use my chosen name, but to do that I'd have to make some kind of explanation. Side note - I was a figure skater myself for many years, and I want to get back on the ice again.
Hm, well I tried asking my mom about shorter hair yesterday and she said the same thing: "You'll look like a boy, you'll need to wear makeup." So that's annoying. Hopefully I can get my mom to let me with an explanation like that, though she seems to think short hair is a pain from her past experience...which sadly isn't the same as my opinion of short hair. But yeah, I think I'm doubting myself because it's a big decision if I eventually come out in high school. What's nice is that since I wanted to transfer to that school for an art program, I only know a few other people who are going, so maybe it would be easier without shocking a bunch of people I already know. Yeah, I'm not really comfortable with my chest either.
I have found, when dealing with people who are generally accepting of LGBT, the best course is to just do. Have you explained to your mom that you don't like make up and don't mind looking like a dude?
Hi About social transitioning, I wrote this a while ago, you can read it if you want to, hope it helps in that case ^_^ http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/beckiwoopx/11319-three-stages-social-transitioning.html
I tried coming out as trans last summer before school started and my mom kind of freaked out and I haven't really brought the topic up again because it was so horribly awkward for a while. I typed a whole research paper and pulled up a trans info site for parents, and she told me to "do something better with my time". But I casually pointed out that, since my birthday's a month away from today, that I'll be driving next year and a legal adult in three years. And thanks, reading that gave me some ideas of what to do. When I put my workout log in the wrong order at the gym, the coach sorting the papers said I was 'that one guy' who messed up the folder, and we both laughed. Idk if he used that word by mistake, but it felt like such a compliment anyway. At least something went well, maybe I do sort of pass even now.
