I really, really want HRT so I can be seen as the girl I know I am. I need to get out of this male body and to start my life anew as a female. But I'm 15. I'm coming out soon, hopefully, but it is so hard living a lie, a lie that exists to the fabric of your being. I feel like killing myself a lot of the time. I've already attempted it once. But I don't because I know that someday, I will be seen as the woman I am. I just want to stay safe, but I don't know how long I can. I want to be female to the world, not just to myself.While I'm dependent on my parents and only 15 years old, I dont even know I'm HRT is possible until I move out. I do really want to see amended therapist to work things out though. I have this weird doubt that once I do HRT I won't pass and it's terrifying me because it's making me doubt that I will ever be viewed as a girl, which in turn makes me think twice about HRT. Which I dont understand considering how much I hate myself. My doubting if I should get HRT because of not passing is making me doubt if I really am female, which I know I am. I am female. I am female. I am female. I am female. The why am I worried about HRT? I wish my penis was gone every day, and I think about sex from a woman's perspective. I despises my testosterone. I want to wake up and be a girl. I need HRT. I know I do. But this feeling in the back of my mind says Ill just be seen as a make by my family, which Is what I want to show them. I am a girl. A female. Woman. And need my body to reflect that. Here is the thread I made about coming out http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/183477-want-come-out-trans-conservative-family.html
I know it's really hard. When you're thinking like that, one bad thought leads to a worse thought and so on and so forth until the end product of your mental endeavors is very irrational and unrealistic. Try to think of how great you'll look after HRT instead. And how awesome it'll feel after SRS. And everything else. Which are all things that will come in time. Right now, I don't even know whether it's legal for you to take hormones. So I would recommend you look that up. If it isn't (and maybe still), maybe coming out to your parents won't help you change your sex yet. It might help you with social dysphoria though. I always have to wait... for now. But I try not to hurt myself. I received permanent brain damage from a short-lived illness in my childhood. Banging my head against the wall might seem like a good idea in the moment, but is it a rational, healthy idea, really? Does it help me or anyone else, really? No. Of course not. You said yourself that you will feel better one day when people will see you as a woman. that is absolutely true. Try to focus on that. Stay safe and vent when you need to ♥
In America, it is legal for someone to undergo HRT below the age of 18, however, they would need the consent of their guardians in order to do so. If necessary, however, they also ask that they need only one signature; the second is a luxury. Also, only those 18+ will be covered by the new insurance law thing in New York; not sure what it's like where you live, though. And I think everyone doubts their selves about big decisions all the time. I did, and now that I'm on HRT, it's easier to see a girl in the mirror, and hell, even a stranger at a store "mistook" me for female. And I've only been on hormones for about 3 months. And before that, one of my dad's friends also thought I looked like a girl before I started HRT. So it'll work out eventually. ._.
