I've been questioning both my sexuality and my gender for a while now. My sexuality, I have to admit, is not my biggest concern because I don't care who I love or am attracted to as much as I care about staying true to myself. I was assigned female at birth. I was given a two-part first name that was both gender neutral and not. {carter anne}. I've always been more interested in things that are most often associated with the male gender. I had wanted to cut my hair since I was five, and I finally did it in the sixth grade until my mother made me grow it back out. I like more gendernuetral clothes. I questioned my gender about two years ago but didn't act on it other then trying to bind with ace bandages {which I later learned was very wrong} and soon pushed it out of my head, thinking I must be crazy. But for the past six months it's just come back a lot. I started thinking of new names despite myself, and even came up with a different gender neutral one, only this time leaning more to the typically masculine side. I have been wearing more masculine clothes, and that felt almost right, only I still sometimes like crop tops and flowy sweaters which i know is gender expression and not identity but still. I have this urge to cut my hair and I hate my breasts most the time, but sometimes like them. Most The time I want to bind my chest, and I feel like something is missing... down there if that's the way to put it. I feel uncomfortable presenting myself as a girl. I don't know if this makes me androgynous, or gender neutral, or transgender or anything in between but is there anything I can do to help me figure it out? I'm not sure if I'm making this harder for myself because of my conservative family but I keep feeling like I'm somehow lying to myself and those around me but omission and I'd like to at least figure out what I feel like I'm lying about, if that makes any sense. Please help?
Well, I think only you can figure it out. Welcome to EC by the way! From what your saying, I think you should read into the non-binary. Genders like gender queer, gender fluid, bigender, a gender, and so much more. From what you said about sometimes liking your breasts and sometimes not, you could be genderfluid. Gender fluid means that your gender is, well, fluid. Your gender can change and shift all the time between male, female, and all the rest. . But remember, it is your gender, so don't take my word as law. To make things easier, I highly recommend some serious soul searching. Meditation can be great, and it is easy. All you need to do is relax and focus. Focus on you, and who you are. Let your thoughts drift around, don't steer them back. Let your mind take control and follow we're it leads. If you haven't already look into the non-binary, I highly recommend it. Good luck on your journey! If you ever need anything, feel free to message me anytime. (*hug*)
I feel EXACTLY the same way. I have absolutely no advice ( that's kind of what I'm figuring out...) But... Solidarity, I guess. Please message me sometime - I would love to talk about this with someone in the same situation.
Also good to note that dysphoria is not always a constant thing. It can come and go in waves, and some people are so good at coping that they don't notice it.
