I am biologically male, and for the past few years I have struggled with my gender identity, a few months ago i came out to a friend and she's been trying to help me with it; she's been talking with me about, helping me to try and work out my gender identity, she also gave me some makeup and showed me how to use it. About 2 weeks ago I had broke down and nearly burst into tears as at that moment I was female and realised that I couldn't truly express myself as female because of my male body and beard, and then I read about people who identified as genderfluid and thought that, that seemed to be most like how I felt. Since then I have identified as genderfluid I haven't told anyone though, and I haven't had a chance to talk to my friend about it. Anyway, since I have started to try and accept being genderfluid I have been finding it difficult and i don't really know what to do, since before whenever I felt female I would just ignore it, but now I try and embrace it but I don't know what to do in those moments and it makes me really sad, so much that I have nearly burst into tears about 5 times in the last week. Apologies for the long post, but any help or ideas of how to cope with being genderfluid would be appreciated
Right now the only advice I've been able to follow is to listen to myself (body, mind, etc) and do what feels right. I'm AFAB and primarily switch between male and agender, and with both genders I want to express myself as and look like a male, but it's quite hard to do that when I'm not out. The more I try, the more I get told things like "you're not a boy, stop it." But I still do it because it feels right and just knowing that is very helpful.
I'm AMAB myself and totally understand where you are coming from. I almost broke down in the middle of work earlier this week. I'm out to about 5 people now and am still trying to figure out how to present myself because I need to find something to help calm my gender dysphoria on female days. I wrote a pretty detailed response in this thread about what I am doing to try and cope with my dysphoria. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/183658-dysphoria-how-deal.html I'm also always willing to listen if needed.
