So I talked with my mom today about dressing like a man 24-7. I hated it. I hated every second of that conversation more than I 've hated almost anything else ever. She (obviously) was confused, which I think came out a little bit as her being kind of angry with me... She kept focusing on the dress-clothes aspect of it. I told her I wanted to wear the guy's concert dress uniform to band concerts (Black button-down, red tie, dress shoes, etc..) she just kept asking, "Why are you so obsessed with the tie, why do you need to wear a tie?" I kept trying to explain to her that I'm not a different person- I still identify as female, I still have the same preferences, same mannerisms, etc... I tried to use butch lesbians as an example (i.e., dress like dudes, identify as females)... She was still confused, and she kept going back to the tie- she was like "Why do you need to wear a tie if you're not trans? How are you not trans if you have this compulsive need to wear clothes ONLY from the men's section?" I just had such a hard time explaining it... What she took away at first was that I just wanted to wear less fitted clothing, but then when I tried to explain it better she insisted that it was all in my head that I just HAD to wear clothes labeled for men, and that if I would just have an open mind and tried OTHER women's clothes... god, I just hated it. At the end, she basically said "I'm fine with this but I don't want to help you shop- I don't want any part of it. you'll have to talk to your dad. - You're just going to get all impatient and mean to me just like you always do. I'm not mad at you, I just can't go through with that." I tried to tell her that I had always been frustrated and moody when shopping for clothes because they were WOMEN'S clothes, to which she replied that that didn't make a difference- it would still be the same. I just... don't know... what to do anymore. I feel like I can't go through with it... I'm having doubts... This whole thing just makes me hate myself and feel terribly ill-adjusted and not normal and... awful. I'm sorry for being who I am, I guess. which I know is incredibly stupid.. I'm also sorry for writing this post. it too, Is incredibly stupid. and I'm sorry if there are a bunch of typos- I couldn't bring myself to proof-read. I just need someone to tell me I'm not... like, a bad person. and that I'm going to be alright, I guess. although I don't assume anyone will actually reply to this (I don't tend to get a lot of responses). Anyway... sorry. :icon_sad:
