How does it feel like to be in a relationship when you are trans?

Well, for those who pass like 95% or even 100% it's just like for everybody else!

And even if you only pass almost that well dating and relationships can be pretty normal.

Perhaps you're rather thinking about pre-op and/or pre- or early HRT trans people? But I think that's kind of what you get out of the text, yes

I agree then. Because I think I would find it very hard to be in a relationship with anyone now, pre-HRT, because I know that even if I met the most open-minded person in the world they would have a hard time viewing me as female. Hell, I can't even do it myself as long as my body is part of the equation, which it obviously is when you're in an interpersonal relationship with someone.

Haha, I guess the only thing that would work for me now would be a chat-only, no-pictures-or-video internet-based relationship. God, that's sad. HRT, how I want thee.

 

My partner and I have a long friendship before we got together. We came out to each other as trans in 2011 I think sometime when he was close to graduating and I was about to enter my senior year of high school. We were buds before that, and coming out made made our connection so much stronger and meaningful; having someone to talk to who really gets it when things got dark and shitty, especially since both of us were in dark places at the time.

Eventually, he was my boyfriend and I was his, now we're more than that, and it hasn't changed. I'm not sure what the big push was, but I fell for him hard and fast almost overnight after we lost contact with one another for so long. It's hard to describe the feeling, but being validated by someone who loves you back is the most amazing thing ever. He makes me feel handsome on my low days where I'm heavily dysphoric, and he makes me feel like a king when we're intimate. I've never been happier with anyone else, and I'm not sure how much of that is because he's a one in a billion and that I'm finally able to be honest with myself and be who I really am.

Before we got back, someone was interested in dating me. I was worried he would be turned off by my identity (I expect that from gay identified men), yet that seemed to be the last thing on his mind. I won't go into the explicit details of the messages and texts he sent me, but he really didn't seem to care or mind a thing; especially since I was still partially in the closet and pre-T at the time. We never went anywhere because we didn't have enough similar interests to be friends and I wasn't attracted to him on several levels.

For me, I feel that being in a relationship with another trans person makes things easier because the other person often understands the death grip that dysphoria can hold on someone and cis people sometimes have a harder time understanding. That's not to say cis people are bad partner options, but I never met someone that understands me more than my partner does. Relationships are totally possible pre-T, I've done it as have others. I'm that optimist that believes there's someone for everyone out there, and the perfect catch will love you no matter what; pre-transition, post-transition, or even non-transition.

 

I'm aromantic and asexual, so I've never actively pursued relationships and kinda just tend to fall into them, but being a nonbinary trans person tends to make my relationships kind of strained.

However, I've been in a relationship with my fiance for quite a few years now, and she didn't know I identified as trans until we had been dating for about 9 months. Granted I never really tried to hide it, but I was pre-T and really shy about my gender identity so I just kinda let it slide and hoped she'd eventually catch on that I never called myself "she" or a girl. I ended up coming out in a sort of round-about way after her brother came out as trans, and I confided in him that I was also trans and would support him in his transition. So I think my fiance pretty much just found out through him.

I did end up telling her officially when I decided to start T and we were about to move in together. And she took it great! I knew she would, I wouldn't have been dating her if she wouldn't have. And TBH it's great. This is the first time I've been in a relationship with someone who actually supported me being trans and let me tell ya, it is the most validating thing I have ever felt. It is a completely different experience to be with someone who sees you for who you are, not for how you look or present, but really from the inside-out. My fiance sees me as a genderless person, it's just who she knows me as and it is soo good.

Comparing this to my past relationships isn't even a comparison. There was always something missing in my relationships, even one I was in longer than my current one, because my gender was seen as something wrong or something to get over. My gender has always thrown up barriers to people, but that's not my fault. That was the fault of my ex-partners. Gender shouldn't make relationships hard, if you find the right person. It might be harder, but worth it. Besides, why would anyone want to be in a relationship with a bigoted asshole anyway.

 

I did date before I was out or "aware" that I was trans. The weird part with one of my exs is that I saw myself as a boyfriend to her rather than her girlfriend, which was a bit strange. That was about two years before I started kicking the closet door down.

 

I hadn't had things figured out when I was in my very first relationship, which was with a girl. Granted, we were both pretty young (I think I was about 14-15 when we first got together) and we'd both been pretty good friends beforehand. We were together for three years but I don't feel like we were that close. A lot of that was because she was kind of a distant person and I ended up moving across the country with my family. I definitely felt like the more masculine one, even though she openly identified as butch and I was pretty femme presenting at the time.

After her, I didn't date for a while and I eventually came out as trans. In fact, I actually never had sex until after I came out and I didn't have much of a libido either (my girlfriend and I never even open mouthed kissed in the three years we were together, if that makes a difference).

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. He's cis but I wasn't the only trans guy he'd dated or been around- in fact, we met through a trans group on Facebook. So, he did know a lot of what to expect. I think the big key to dating while you're transitioning is sort of making sure you're on the same page. What's the terminology? What can you expect? He caught on pretty quick to things that bothered me (like misnaming/gendering me- that will literally ruin my entire day) and we went from there.

 

When I was 9-13 I had a few crushes on guys but after that (around time first gender stuff came up) I just lost interest. I have a hard time imagine me dating as a girl, but as a guy it is easier.