Bisexual but don't want to be

I don't know about hypnosis, so can't help you there. But even if you did try it and it didn't work, I think the God you believe in would be pleased by your struggle to stay true to your family.

If you want to rid yourself of sexual lust, you can try exercise, meditation, binaural beats or doing something with your hands. A creative hobby of sorts, like crafting. I also was a monotheist until I abandoned it for Law of One (you can look it up), but I still remember the saying "idle hands are devil's workshop"

 

Could it not be a chicken and egg thing, as in you were always bisexual but he showed you that you were, rather than he making you bisexual?

 

In my opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with being or not being attracted to anyone. Attraction is just as natural as your feeling a need to sleep and eat. You don't feel guilty for walking past a restaurant and thinking "that smells absolutely wonderful", right?

Your thoughts are something you can't control. Your actions are. And in my opinion that's what you're judged on, your actions. You are a loving father and good husband from the sound of things. Anyway I really believe that Christian morality is about forgiveness, about owning up to your past and being a better person than you were yesterday, and nothing but. You can't earn your way into heaven. And life will drop you into situations where every possible thing you can do is wrong, because you weren't meant to be perfect, you were meant to make mistakes and learn from them.

Fighting this part of you is a choice. It's a choice you'll be judged on. It has its own consequences. Will your wife and kids be hurt if you can't come to terms with this part of you? Will your career? Will your relationship? How do you feel about yourself being bisexual? Is it getting worse every day? Will you be able to stand it for 5 more years? One?

Accepting it is a choice too. Maybe it feels wrong, it's up to you to figure out whether or not it is. But there is a huge, huge difference between having hard choices and being a bad person. You aren't attacking and robbing people. You aren't abandoning your wife and kids. You are a good person. What will life be like 5 years from now if you accept this part of you? One year?

If anything you being bisexual can give you some empathy for gay people, as my being trans does. Jesus didn't treat any people - even liars, thieves, murderers, and prostitutes - as if they weren't people. He treated every single one of them as if they had value. That's something severely lacking in the church over the last few decades, something it has only began to turn around. You can be a part of returning Christ's message to the church.

---------- Post added 10th Jul 2015 at 05:25 AM ----------

That said what I think would be healthy, and might help you be a better husband and father, is if you found safe ways to come to terms with this part of you. Stories, talking to gay and bisexual people, being more open about who you are places like this, I think all those things will help.

Also if you focus on strengthening your relationship with your wife, I am positive you can reach a point one day where you can share this burden with her. I've seen this ruin relationships, but I've seen this strengthen them too. It doesn't always work out perfectly. I am not with my ex fiancee any more. But we have a better relationship now than we ever had when we were together. And we are both stronger and more independent people now.

 

Oohh, sweetie

I think being bisexual is fun.

 

To mods: Thread belongs under Sexual and Romantic Orientation.

I am sorry that you are suffering from internalized homophobia and dislike yourself for it. I have some, recent experience with talking to people in the same situation. I know it is hard to deal with.
If you ever want to talk, please feel free to comment on my wall.

And PS. Jess^ had some really good advice.

 

There is nothing wrong with being bi, just so long as you are being true to yourself. I`m attracted to both women and men because I have had crushes on both genders. Just be you.

 

Don't feel bad, attraction is attraction. God is larger than small issues like that, and I do not think He would want you to try any artificial means to change something about yourself. You have a blessing of a life, wife and kids, why would a male attraction in conjunction with your female threaten that?

Be honest with yourself, and don't beat yourself up too much. Understand that any lust is bad regardless of gender, but it's human nature for our minds and hearts to wander at times. Whether you believe you were made this way, or became this way, just take it one day at a time, and suffice the evil of the day thereof to that.

Don't overthink it, don't let a thorn in your side take over, but use it rather.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
"And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

If you believe it to be unnatural, then do not seek natural means to aid you, only God can soften or heal your heart.

 

Everyone in a monogamous relationship finds themselves attracted to someone other than their spouse at some point. It doesn't really matter if the attraction is to someone male or female.

Right now one of my sons is in a monogamous relationship with a woman he loves but every now and then he wrestles with temptation, finds himself attracted to other females, has to weigh the pros and cons, decide whether or not to pursue it.


Right now you are in a monogamous relationship with a woman you love but every now and then you wrestle with temptation, find yourself wishing to be with men and you have to weigh the pros and cons, decide whether or not to pursue it.

I don't really see it as being any different.

 

Some people want to be faithful spouses, but feel persistent, recurring temptations to be with others, whether male or female. Some have kinks or even relatively vanilla interests that their spouses don't share. Some are attracted to the thrill of cheating itself.

Other people may be relatively unburdened by sexual temptation, but find their ambition to be good providers and role models for their families undermined by struggles with drugs and alcohol or compulsive gambling.

Sometimes, being the person you want to be - for family, for God (if you're a believer), for yourself - is just really hard.

Temptations aren't easy to will away. Attractions may very well be impossible to will away. But you can acknowledge your temptations, acknowledge your attractions, and make a conscious decision not to pursue them, much as you already make innumerable other sacrifices, small and large, for your family every day.

Meditation may help - some people find it makes it easier to see their desires as something separate from their core selves - and finding sympathetic but supportive people you can talk to is always good. You don't have to have a diagnosable mental illness to get your money's worth out of a therapist!

Of course, it's always easier to avoid a situation in which you know you'll be tempted than to power through on sheer force of will. If you know fidelity is struggle for you, then don't take solo business trips, don't go out drinking alone. Wear your wedding ring. Keep a family photo on your desk, keep one in your wallet. Introduce yourself to attractive strangers as a happily married guy: "Hey, nice to meet you. I'm So-and-So; I work for FunCo, and I live out in Anytown with my beautiful wife and above-average kids."

Hang in there!