Woke up after having the weirdest dream where I was stuck in a movie theatre and my gender kept switching between male and female, I think I saw myself as male every time I looked down or in a mirror, but everyone intreated me as female. I was standing in like for a drink before the movie and people kept calling me she and I was aware that I wanted to be he, but was confused by them using she not messing me up. Then I woke up from my dream to realize I'm late to go swimming at my bro's. He picks me up and we go to get food and he runs into a friend. I was introduced as his sister. Took me five seconds before I was like "wait...I'm not..." But I didn't say that. I was just thinking it. And then his friend started talking to me and I became worried that he might start hitting on me, and then I worried about him finding out I'm ftm. And it was just one big confusing thing. Also had me thinking that I don't know how to date as a guy, I don't know how to date period. I don't know, I just keep thinking bout how I don't know how to do a lot of things as a guy, that I won't just wake up and know how to be a guy. There is a lot about being male that is learnt and taught by society. I actually read a blog post about it from a ftm who was a girly girl before his transition.
It's a crazy feeling, but you're not alone in feeling it. What helps me is reminding myself of the steps I'm taking to change that, knowing that one day I won't ever be called she - whether it's because I pass or because I'm brave enough to call people out and correct them. Dating is a foreign concept. But I do feel like I 'know' how to be a guy, partly because I grew up with a family full of boys and partly because there's no right way to be a guy. There's society's fucked up view and then there's each individual who does their own thing. I trust the individual. If someone was painting their nails and looking at dresses and told me they're a guy, they're a freaking cool guy. (Vice versa for girls.)
