Hey everyone. I've come here seeking some wisdom in regards to my gender identity. I currently don't have anyone around who I can ask these kinds of questions to in person, so I'm turning to the interwebs lol. I'm not sure about my gender identity. Recently, I've started to consider whether or not I might be bi-gender, ftm, or just a masculine centered female. In a lot of ways, I usually act more like a dude, in my mannerisms, way of speech, personality, personal values, etc. Since I was young I have for the most part preferred boys clothes, activities, and toys (with the exception of baby dolls). I also felt kind of weird about my body (I find myself really wanting a more masculine build and a dick sometimes) and had a mild obsession over the movie 'she's the man'. But, any gender dysphoria I've had has been usually somewhat mild and intermittent. Additionally, I've never had much of an issue with pronouns and names, although I often like male ones better. I don't really know how it feels to present as male, because I'm currently too embarrassed to do so, and since middle school, I have dressed as a female in order to fit in (on a side note, I have social phobia so that inhibits a lot of things I would like to do). However, there is one feminine thing that I feel VERY strongly- my desire to one day be a mother, not a father. Even if I sometimes don't like my chest, I want to breast feed, and basically, when I think of motherhood, be ALL the girly in that regard. For the rest of my life though, I feel as though I'd prefer to at least present male. There is also a part of me that really likes the idea at least of traditional gender roles and being with a man. However in reality, this often isn't very appealing. With all this in mind, I don't know what my gender identity is. I would appreciate any insight into these issues. I feel very lost right now as far as who I am, and I'm hoping to get some wisdom that might help me come to some answers.
Me and you are similar in a lot of ways Dysphoria can be very mild and very subtle for some people, and there are some people who don't hate their or bodies or don't hate the pronouns used (like me). You will also find a lot ftms (non binary and binary) who would like to be mother's. Experimenting is always the helpful thing in finding out. It can be hard and nerve wracking to present as male when people are so use to a feminine you, but I find it is worth it. For now don't worry about labels and just try exploring more of you are.
I think CadutiMorte said it well! You need to give yourself time to think about what you want and who you feel like you are. Try your best not to worry or stress. Experimenting^ is really great. If you can do it at home that's a good idea. And it's also good to remember that gender roles and so on does not equal gender. They can give a clue as to what you're most comfortable with, however. Also, what do you mean exactly when you say you "feel as though at least [you'd] prefer to present male"?
I guess what I meant by that was dress, behave, and associate as male, but not physically transitioning. Or something like that? Also I'm sorta new-ish to a lot of lgbt terminology (never heard of much of this before college) so I apologize in advance if something I say is misleading/wrong.
