Internalized transphobia or valid/stupid concerns

For what it's worth, I'm sorry about your situation.

Beyond that, there is not much more that I can offer. I understand that you want a guidebook or structure of sorts, but do you really want to try to mold yourself according to rules set up by others?

If you want to stop feeling dysphoric over your body, the only advice I can conceive is for you to accept your body. That might be difficult for you, but I can not think of any other option. You are a unique person who doesn't have to fit himself into made-up labels.

If you do accept your body as it is, and love yourself.. Maybe you can then work with what you have and pass as a guy, if that is what you desire. But you must be aware that some people may never accept such "deviance" from what they consider to be "natural".

In my humble opinion, just focus on loving yourself first and foremost, regardless of your past and regardless of what your body looks like. Then you can determine what you want and how you can get it.

Good luck

 

^^ Completely agree.

Self love is the most important thing you can do. I repressed everything I was for my entire life. It almost killed me. There is no reason to not love yourself.

Look at Ryan Cassata. He doesn't take hormones, he's not getting SRS, and he is happy and has a loving girlfriend. He did get top surgery, that is true, but he is still a great person and a fantastic signer. You don't need chemicals to be you, you just need you.

If you ever need anything, feel free to contact me anytime (*hug*)

 

Sounds a lot like me.

I wrestle with inner issues a lot.

 

If you are finding it particularly difficult, I could tell you of three steps.

First step is to know yourself.

As much as we would like to figure out and solve your problems, they are not of the practical nature and therefore the only person who can truly help is your own self. Maybe instead of looking for answers "out there", start looking inward, figure out who you are, what you want, and what you can do to get it. Look into your interactions with other people, what you give them, and what they reflect back at you. Try to remember and relive your past, regardless of how painful it can be. Do not try to suppress or bury it. It's not something to espace from, but something to learn from.

And then, accept yourself.

By that I mean your past, current life, your wishes, desires and tendencies, good and bad. Accept your body, even though it may not be ideal for you. Accept the people in your life, even if they seem mentally unsophisticated or judgemental. Do not disown any part of yourself, even if it seems "feminine", or fragile or weak. Ultimately, every one of us is weak, regardless of sex or gender identity as some call it. Yet we continue to blunder, trying to come to an understanding that is enough to make a difference.

Finally, forgive yourself.

Forgive anything that seems to you as a flaw, imperfection or mistake. This may sound easy, but it can be extremely difficult for conscientious and self-critical people. This step could be the hardest one of all.

But all of this is not supposed to be done and over with in an instant. It's a process. You'll gradually develop an understanding about yourself that can not be put to words.


All that said, you can also try to consciously enjoy yourself. Treat yourself a dinner, play games, listen to music, exercise to make your body release feel good hormones. Try meditation, yoga or binaural beats. Get a pet if you don't have one already. Make friends and talk to them, online or offline. Consider the full part of the glass, replace your discontent with gratitude for everything you do have.

Ultimately there are no mistakes, no flaws, no imperfections. The only thing that is flawed is our inaccurate perception of ourselves.

 

I just wanted to add that it does not always work like that. If OP can accept himself in the future in his body and be happy, great for him in that case.

Many or most (at least binary) trans people cannot, however. Acceptance isn't an option and transition is the only way to be able to present as their inner selves and be happy.

I had a short time when I didn't find the idea of pills or surgery attractive. But now I want it more than anything.

 

It's good you pointed that out. I wanted to convey that he can try to accept his body even if he does want to transition. I guess that would sound counterintuitive to some, but it could make his life easier.

 

There are a lot of binary and non binary trans who love there bodies, but transition so who they are in the inside can be seen on the outside

 

Yes I agree. Anything that helps OP feel better is good. The decision can be very hard to make for some and it's good to hear that the possibility to not transition exists, although of course it's also good to hear that that might be less work or more work than to transition, depending on a lot of things like amount of discomfort and so on.

 

That must really suck, OP I can't entirely relate. I'm sure... and that feels good... but you are right in not stressing yourself if you don't feel ready.

I guess you might need some more time to think about transition?

And doing everything you can to relax is always good for you!

 

Well, perhaps you should ask yourself one thing - if there was no stigma in you transitioning, if there were no stupid obstacles like legal obstacles, and if you didn't find it annoying to get T - if it were only for yourself and your own happiness - would you or would you not do it?

That's something to think about...

Lots of love