It goes so ,i have a really wonderful girlfriend but i feel so bad as transguy to not be able to be a biological father of our baby .That makes me so depressed so awful i feel myself useless, like mistake . We thought of adopting one wich is great but i still feel like a shit. Im getting over and over so dysphoric. Im starting to ask myself do i deserve to be alive and feeling so bad.
Hey man, I know the feeling. I often daydreamed about being pregnant when I was little. I know it can't happen. It physically can't. Which is sad - my brain tells me one thing, my body the other. Acceptance is hard. But try to think of the things you have accomlished. You can be with your girlfriend who accepts you for who you are. And you can have a loving family life like every other straight couple - there's just one detail that's different, which is that you can't have biological children. Me, I'm enthusiastic about adoption. Being the mother of a child who maybe wouldn't have a parent at all otherwise. I have no doubt that I will love the child just as much as if I'd carried the child in a womb I don't have. Not being able to carry a child doesn't make me any less of a woman - not being able to impregnate a woman doesn't make you any less of a man. You are not a mistake. You certainly deserve to be alive. Please try not to think like that, try to think about what you can do to make yourself feel better.
I know it's not the same. And I have no idea how far along in your transition you are. But a method couples have used before is to freeze the eggs of the person transitioning, and later use donor sperm and have their partner carry the child to term. I'm not saying it's a solution, but it's certainly an option, and something you might want to consider talking to your physician about. There could be more options available, try not to give up and don't feel bad! Also, when you adopt a child, that child is your own. Whether or not it's by blood, whether or not your girlfriend carried the child, the child is yours to love and raise. Same with a child created through artificial insemination. Regardless of circumstances, that child is, for all intents and purposes, your child. I get that not being able to do it yourself feels bad, but that doesn't change the fact that there are options, and that any child you raise would still be your child.
I know how you feel. I want to have a biological kid with my partner, but I think due to our situations (we're both transguys with medical issues), it's for the best. Adoption is always a great options, as there are kids out there who need a home and there's lots of couples who can't have their own biological kids.
To me it's more about my girlfriend's wish than my own. I'd be happy with adopting, seeing it as saving a kid's future. At the same time, my girl's wish might be having a kid on her womb for nine months and the rest, you know, to go through the whole experience. To be honest, the idea of my girl getting pregnant through artificial means is just too much to take. I'm aware how this sounds, but there is nothing I can do. Not sure I could cope with it on the long run, specially since the biological father could just 'drop by' one day. Don't think I could ask this person about a cup of tea and have him on my kitchen, and talk about the weather, and remain calm, friendly and be 'civilized' about the whole show. As a man, I've got my limits. The last word will be spoken by my girl : It's her own body, and her own right. So whatever she decides on this, I'll have to go through it with her... As long as I can take such a thing, of course. I'd rather adopt a child, even if I'd probably feel more like a big brother than a 'father'. I don't want my kid to grow up believing on certain ideas that seem 'wrong' to me. The question of parenthood is hard to answer at many levels...
