Confused male

Well, it is something a lot of men face. You will just have to really evaluate yourself and make the best decision. Your happiness is the most important thing.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me.

 

To mods: Thread belongs under Sexual and Romantic Orientation.


It's okay if thinking about a man's penis turns you on.
What you need to do about this is to think about where that feeling fits into your happiness.
For example, if you are bisexual, how will you express your male attractions? Will you consider an open relationship or including a male sexual partner in you and your wife's lovemaking? Maybe masturbating to male-male fantasies could be a way to release some of that energy?

All the best, lots of love ~

 

its not really a problem it's a curiousity and the human brain wants what it can't have. you're in a marriage. wedLOCK, so you respect your marriage and your vowels and committments, but this very thing makes the desire and curiousity stronger. because you feel as though you can't have it. there's not much you can do really. it's normal. many straight men may fantasize about other men or find them attractive. it is very common for straight men or questioning men to say, "i do not find men attractive at all and i could never think of being in a relationship with one, but for some reason, i am fixated on male genetalia or other sex zones". this is because society has basically BANNED any closeness or emotional connectivity to other men as "gay! BAD! WRONG!" we are taught to be very detached emotionally and spiritually from other men. we are taught to view men as another potential threat, something to compete with, or something to be suspicious of. we are not taught to be caring, loving, or emotionally attached to other males growing up. why???because this may "make you gay" in the minds of people. so it is no surprise that men that are curious struggle with any idea or desire for emotional attachment with a male, but seem to be able to desire a sexual one. by separating emotion from physical, they can still be "masculine" and not "gay". remember, sexual prowess and sexual drive is also another thing that is rewarded in straight culture. boys are encouraged to explore their hetero urges, while girls are taught to be demure and virgianic. so in a way, you are programmed to be sexually heightened and again, this plays into why you are daydreaming of penis.

the bottom line is that there's nothing wrong with you. it could just be a curiosity or it could be something you want to fully engage in all the time. there's only one way to know but that would mean stepping out of your marriage and having a fling. many straight married guys do it. you would not be the first. but i doubt this is what you want to do and i actually do not recommend it. if you are going to be with men, be with men. but don't take your wife along for the ride unless she is ok with going on the ride. who knows, she may. many women allow their husbands a gay or straight hall pass sometimes during the marriage. only you know if that is how she rolls or not.

but the larger issue is this......as a man, you will be able to get all the penis you want from other gay men if you are relatively attractive and in shape. but is that what you want...detached hookups? is that worth leaving your wife for and coming out and all the emotional baggage that comes with it? think long and hard about that. meaningless sex eventually becomes empty and unfulfilling to most people after a while. so unless you think you can tackle the larger issue of possibilty wanting an emotional and physical relationship with a man, i'd say stay on the straight side of the fence until you can figure it out a bit more.

 

People don't turn gay, they simply are that way. No one can force you to leave your wife, that's a decision only you and your wife can respectfully make. Perhaps you could simply be bi with a preference towards men? If you're happy where you're at right now, you don't have to change that for anyone here. Give it some more thought, have you considered seeing a therapist about this? It could very well help you sort things out, you just need to look up therapist that specializes in gay/bisexual issues. When you figure things out a bit more, there may be a possibility of having to talk to your wife about this. Just remember, we're here for you should you need us.