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What do pronouns mean to you?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Gentlady, Jul 14, 2015.

  1. Gentlady

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    I have heard people say that using one's preferred pronouns is an act of respect. So this is my question to you. What do they mean to you? Is using the preferred pronouns a sign of people respecting your decisions or something else? Who gets to choose their pronouns? For example, if a cis-woman with no gender identity issues or dysphoria or anything, said she wanted to be called a he, what are your thoughts on that? Basically just what is the meaning of pronouns to you?
     
  2. YuriBunny

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    I know a lot of people strongly prefer one pronoun, so they have a lot of meaning to them. Personally I don't care much about pronouns, and 'she', 'they', and even 'he' are fine with me.

    People have all the right to choose their own pronouns. It doesn't have to match their gender identity.
     
  3. Invidia

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    I just know that if someone calls me "he" I'll secretly hate them.... or secretly starting hating everything....

    If a person wants it for gender matters, that's fine of course

    If someone wants it for pure amusement... I'm not so sure. Can kind of invalidate trans people. But Idk.
     
  4. AlexTheGrey

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    Honestly, I'd be happy if the English language was less gendered with pronouns in general. Part of the issue for me, is that calling me "he" reminds me that how people see me doesn't align with how I see myself. If someone who identifies as a cis female prefers "he" as a pronoun, I'm sure they have a reason for it. I may find their reasoning odd, but I already know for a fact that people find my reasoning odd (or worse). I may be curious to know their reasoning, but would respect their choice.
     
  5. ChandlersArmy

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    I don't really mind if the person has a hard time debating if I'm a girl or boy and slips up. I just tell them its ok but I'd like to go by "they", "them" pronouns. I respect everyones choice of pronouns because what does it matter anyway.
     
  6. Rochelle86

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    I`d like to be able to be called she at some point, but I havent started transtioning so he is fine in public. Being adressed as a girl would feel great if I passed.
     
  7. confuzzled82

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    For me, in person, (or on the phone) I don't really care too much if you use "he" or "she", especially if I'm presenting as a guy, but DO NOT call me "sir" if I'm presenting as a girl. I slightly prefer "she", but really, as long as you don't trip over yourself trying to correct yourself. And, unless it's a generic document, I don't like being refered to with a singular "they". Just seems to impersonal/dehumanizing to me. (I do try to respect those pronouns for those that prefer them, but I find it hard using them...)
     
    #7 confuzzled82, Jul 14, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2015
  8. souverian

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    wouldn't mind it if someone accidentally used feminine pronouns on me-- might be kinda nice
     
  9. Matto_Corvo

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    I really don't care all that much about pronouns. If I'm out to person I expect male. To those I'm not out to I expect female, when I transition I expect male.
     
  10. Zinogre Queen

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    it really depends on who's using the pronouns and if I'm hiding behind my male mask or not. being referred to with feminine pronouns always feels good, and masculine pronouns can be anything from slightly hurting my feelings to ruining my whole day by pissing me off hardcore to... actually, I haven't encountered the worst case scenario yet, so I'm gonna play it safe and say "borderline panic attack." yeah, pronouns are pretty important to me, especially with as fragile a self-image as I seem to have...
     
  11. MusicEilidh

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    At the moment, I'm still trying to work out who exactly I am; whilst I am female and have been referred to as a female all my life, I've realised (especially recently) that I don't identify solely as a female - I often get mistaken for a guy, and I really like when that happens, but at the same time I don't think I would expect people to refer to me as a guy all the time - as I don't identify solely as male, either. There are times I absolutely hate being called a female or referred to as "she", but as I've not yet said to anyone that I'm questioning my gender identity, I try not to let it bother me.

    I don't know how I'd feel about "they"; it could certainly be easier but I suppose I may change my mind once I think things over more?
     
  12. Evil Kitten

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    For me it feels happy and that you're talking to me when using female pronouns and when male ones used by people I'm out to it feels like you're saying that you don't care about how I feel. When I'm out in town, currently presenting male, I understand people using male pronouns but it still feels that it isn't me and the few times people do accidentally use what they think are the wrong pronouns I slightly leap for joy inside. I have long hair and a somewhat female shape so until people see my usually unshaven face they can mistake me but then correct themselves.
     
  13. Acm

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    For me pronouns aren't really about respect, but the fact that in English certain pronouns are connected to different genders, so when I get called by those it feels right because it's the right gender, and the wrong pronouns are just a reminder about how I was born. I used to be able to tolerate female pronouns alright, but lately they've really been bothering me.
     
  14. thepandaboss

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    Pronouns are a sign of respect. And for me, they're tied to gender. So when someone uses the right pronouns for me, it means they're respecting me as a guy, they're acknowledging who I am based on my presentation and so on.

    I actually hate it when people use gender neutral pronouns for me. For me, it's like they're not even acknowledging my own preferences and they "can't tell what I am". Only use gender neutral pronouns for people who want them, okay?
     
  15. person57

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    Well, whenever people use female pronouns when they're referring to me, I just feel so happy. It just sounds and feels right when people do it and I feel like myself :slight_smile:
     
  16. Sevan

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    Personally, pronouns are a validation as much as they are a comfort to me. It's not a sign of respect to follow someone's pronouns so much as it is a sign of common human decency. For example, you wouldn't call a she a he, correct? So to blatantly deny someone's identifying terminology is essentially denying who they are. And that, to me, is low.

    My pronouns are important to me because they establish that I'm neither male or female, that I'm not both. I'm neither. By referring to me as they/them/their, you're acknowledging how I identify. You are validating me. And while I don't need that validation (I can validate myself just fine, thank you very much) it feels nice to know that someone may not understand my identity, but is courteous enough to acknowledge it regardless.
     
  17. lettuce

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    I think there are two levels to this. Having someone call me by my preferred pronouns because I've asked them to shows they're accepting and respectful of me. If they call me by my preferred pronouns without any prompting because they already see me as female then that's really awesome.

    There was only one time where I've ever been angry at someone for using the wrong pronouns. He was a gay psych nurse, so I guess I kind of expected a little more understanding from him. I asked him several times over a period of a year to use my preferred pronouns but he insisted on using male pronouns and my old name, even though at that ooint he was the only one who did. Just to rub salt in the wound, he had no problem using female pronouns on male crossdressers :/
     
  18. Daydreamer1

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    Pronouns seem trivial to people who never had to question theirs, but for people who got the wrong label from the start, pronouns are a respect thing. I'm a man, so I'd like people to respect me as such with my pronouns.

    When people use the right pronouns when talking to me, it makes me feel valid in my skin, when people would otherwise drag their feet and groan when I or someone corrects them. Female pronouns make me super dysphoric to the point now where if I hear them or "ladies" within ear shot, I just shut down mentally because I think they're talking about me. Gender neutral (they/them) is okay to me, but male pronouns are more validating.
     
  19. Posthuman666

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    Pronouns, to me, are very important. It is one of the smallest, yet most meaningful, acknowledgements someone can make to my gender identity.

    If a cis person prefers a different pronoun, thats fine. But it may turn out they aren't cis..
     
  20. Jellal

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    I find the right pronouns (she) validating and the wrong pronouns (he) irritating. Though to be honest, I've put up with the "he" so long that for the most part I can brush it off. I was raised to have thick skin and I do my best not to sweat the small stuff. Life is too short. And I'm not assertive enough to correct people when they get it wrong ... I don't make gender a topic of conversation IRL. I may do it here, but in real life, normally when I talk to people I am not very interested in talking about gender, or sex.