I've prepared myself, thoroughly, for what I'll do when I decide to come out (which I'm thinking will be either August 16th or sometime in October). But there's one problem. I can only really anticipate how my mother will react, and since I'll be telling her first that's what I've focused on. But the thought of my father knowing is paralyzing to me. He's very loving, but also extremely protective of me. I mean, to my parents I'm their "oldest daughter" and they are essentially going through trial and error with raising a "girl." This is another reason why I feel sick about even being trans in the first place. Anyway, I have no idea how my dad will react to the news. He's a very introverted person, calm most of the time, though has a fierce (and stubborn) temper - but never becomes physical. I have always been the "favorite" child of my father. A "Daddy's girl" so to speak. I just feel like I'm robbing him and my mother of their desired daughter... They already have six sons and only "two" daughters (me and my little sister, age 8). He's extremely decisive when it comes to theological/ethical matters, of which all things LGBT are most definitely (in his mind) evil and disgusting. Though I know that me saying I'm trans will push him to look closer at the matters, I don't think it will change his opinions. Instead, I'll probably be viewed as confused and/or brainwashed. There's no way he'll take me seriously, and no way he'll ever see me as a man. It's just the time between my coming out and when I move out (next year, after I'm 18 and go off to uni) that I'm worried about. How will he treat me? I don't know... Everything will be different. He'll probably be mad, or sad... My brother told me that it would break my parent's heart and that they might disown me if I don't "repent" which is in their mind what I'll have to do to make things right. I think that my mother could eventually come around. But my dad... I'm just so scared to tell him. I don't want to lose my relationship with him or my mother, but I feel that it will be the inevitable end to my coming out. That this will be viewed as a heinous act of rebellion and I will be forever branded as the irretrievable black sheep - the family's tragic lost daughter... I just needed to get this off my shoulders... If anyone has any words of advice I'm more than willing to hear anything. Thanks. -Peter-
Definitely consider that while coming out is important there are always multiple approaches to it! I don't have experience myself in coming out, but lately what I've been doing is trying to become slowly less guarded about the way I express myself so it becomes less of a surprise for family. I'd guess I'd call it the "soft" method. I don't know how it'll work out, but it seems like a good fit for the situation I'm in. Coming out is important, and most people only ever end up doing it once for the same people. Try considering/planning multiple other approaches as well as the sort-of standard "announcement" to see which one is the best for your situation, and also just when is the best time to do it. Coming in with a plan at least for me is helpful and a bit comforting. Most of this is just my thoughts on the situation, so I offer what I wrote above more for the purpose of consideration than anything else. Peter works really well for you.
It's terrible when parents are willing to sacrifice a relationship because of theology. It may be that, instead of fighting to change your father's mind, you'll have to fight for your independence and make him understand that, no matter how much he dislikes it, you have the right to be yourself. He shouldn't pressure you into his expectations. If he can recognize that, it'll be better than nothing. It's impossible to predict how he might react to the news, really. Whatever he may have said in the past, coming out will be the real test. I wish you and your family the best, and I hope they learn to show you the respect you deserve.
I was really worried about my dad too. It was always clear that he was proud of his "son" and he was always very rough on me, so I was really nervous about how he'd react. In the end, he took it really, really well.
Mine took it well. Sure he was concerned about the medical side, but he wasn't shocked or disgusted. Guess he saw this coming somehow. He also never denied me of lessons in all things 'manly', including box, and he has been always extremely proud of the real me. ... Still, some concern was (and is) definitely there, and the name is a hard long term battle between us (he gave me the damned birthname). Don't expect him to 'get it' right away. My father is also very thoughtful, so even if he accepted it fully, he needed time. How would you feel on his place? He won't be 'losing' anyone. These thoughts are toxic for us. Stop them.
I really can't offer any better advice than up there ^ but I was completely terrified but it went great. I believe in you!
