so, I'm having a bit of a rough time and was wondering if anyone could offer some advice. I also really needed to get some stuff out of my system, so... wall of text inbound. I've been having depressed episodes daily for about a week now in spite of being on anti-depressants, and whether they start off that way or not, they always end up focusing on my dysphoria to some degree. I've tried multiple anti-depressants, but my discomfort for my body and the self-loathing caused by it always overwhelm the anti-depressants in the end. it doesn't help that the only person I ever see most days is my mom, and only for a couple of minutes. I feel isolated and upset with myself, and the only person I can talk to face-to-face most days has a routine of saying hurtful things without even the slightest hint that what she said wasn't cool, not listening to important things I say, and accusing others of pushing the whole trans thing on me, including my BF, my GF, and the counselor I started seeing about a month ago.
I relate to this post too much; though I haven't even tried antidepressants since about 3 years ago as they didn't do anything for me. As far as dysphoria goes, it sucks and there's not much to be done about it that I know of. I always try to not think about it. That can be incredibly difficult but any way of getting lost in another world temporarily usually helps me. Try watching some of your favorite shows or playing some videogames, reading a book, etc. The more engrossing it is, the better. Someone suggested exercising to me and that's really been helping. It gets the endorphins going and helps release stress as well as energize you. Nighttime bike rides are the best. Also, depending on your mood, you might try watching some youtube videos from other trans people. Sometimes this helps me, other times it causes me to focus even more on my dysphoria. Do you feel you have a decent line of communication with your mother? Try talking to her about how you feel and how long you've been feeling that way and why. Try explaining why certain things she says are hurtful to you and give her tips or advice on how to broach certain subjects with you. And don't be surprised if she doesn't immediately get it. Some things take time and trying to accept you as yourself instead of something else that she's always thought of you as may take time. Hopefully, she's open minded and can eventually accept you.
I should've mentioned this before, but I actually have clinical depression, which is why I'm on the antidepressants. they usually do help with things that would be more "mundane" causes for me to become depressed. as for some form of escapism and getting immersed in something, I usually bust out Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate when I need a game to play (as if that wasn't the obvious choice from my username), but sometimes when I forget something really obvious or make a really simple mistake (or get my ass handed to me by a Seregios), it ends up with me rage-quitting and feeling even more upset than I was before. I don't really watch too many actual shows nowadays so much as just videos by Youtubers I like (which I usually watch not too long after they're uploaded anyway), and most of the books I own are just comics about cute girls, so that might not help me so much if I'm getting hit with some heavy dysphoria and I get to one of the scenes in Girl Friends where Akko and Mari are out shopping for really, really cute clothes... which I wish I could say was only a hypothetical situation... I tried talking to my mother for years. I don't talk to her that much lately because I feel like no matter what I say, she's not going to listen. it feels like she thinks I have the mind of an easily-manipulated child and any opinions I express are to be viewed as something someone else put me up to just because I was diagnosed with Asperger's at age six... which is BS, because that's not how the mind of someone with Asperger's works. anyway, there is still the possibility of us talking... but chances are I'm going to have to reluctantly request she come into one of my counseling sessions with me in order for that to happen, and she still won't listen completely.
Hmm, well that's good, anything that helps. Maybe a different kind of antidepressant would be better now. I've heard that sometimes people just need to switch them up for whatever reasons. Oh yeah, that happens to me sometimes, especially if I'm at a part in a game that's difficult to beat. And same as far as show watching. I actually only follow like 4 shows mainly: Game of Thrones, Orphan Black, The Walking Dead and Gotham. I hate getting dysphoria from media I really like. It's one of the worst ways I can get dysphoria IMO because I love fantasy and fictional stories and when they make me feel bad it's like really-_- That is BS; you'd think she should have a better understanding of how Asperger's works if you were diagnosed with it so long ago. I really hope that helps; maybe the counselor will be able to change her mind on a few things that could get her to be more responsive to you.
