1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What the hell just happened ?..

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Aloki, Jul 17, 2015.

  1. Aloki

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2015
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    France
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I was in the bathroom, and before I went to the shower, I thought about the swimming pool, in which I will have to go next year because of school and P.E. It made me stress out, because more than before, I will see the gap between my body and my mind, how people see me and who I am inside - or something like that. This feeling is weird lol -
    But, I forced myself to stop thinking about it, and I entered the shower.
    Then, I lowered my eyes, and I saw my breast ( which was all red because this afternoon it was itchy and I.. hum, kind of scratched it until it bled :/ ), I thought " Why are you here ?! " and then..
    I started crying, shaking, silently shouting - because I didn't want my mom to hear me - of sadness, anger, and helplessness.
    I pulled some of my hair out - I don't know if this is the right verb, but I'm sure you will understand anyway ^^ -
    (I don't like my hair anyway, they are too long )
    I wanted to puke.

    I used to thought that this feeling - wanting to be a boy - was all in my head, but
    it turn out it wasn't after all I guess.
    At least what happened made me realize that.

    Because the worst in all of this, it's that when I went downstairs to see my mom,
    my eyes were all red and I still wanted to cry, and she looked me in the eyes,
    and she saw nothing.
    My sadness remained totally unseen.

    And I currently don't know if I should talk to her about what just happened
    I'm sorry if some of those sentences aren't really English, but I wrote that without really thinking so..
     
    #1 Aloki, Jul 17, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2015
  2. paris

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Messages:
    813
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Bohemia, CZ
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    i have no words just this (*hug*) hope that helps a little
     
  3. Aloki

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2015
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    France
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Haha ^^
    Thank you :slight_smile:

    I decided that I had nothing to lose and I told her. She said that I should accept myself - as a girl - ... Well, at least I tried