I was in the bathroom, and before I went to the shower, I thought about the swimming pool, in which I will have to go next year because of school and P.E. It made me stress out, because more than before, I will see the gap between my body and my mind, how people see me and who I am inside - or something like that. This feeling is weird lol - But, I forced myself to stop thinking about it, and I entered the shower. Then, I lowered my eyes, and I saw my breast ( which was all red because this afternoon it was itchy and I.. hum, kind of scratched it until it bled :/ ), I thought " Why are you here ?! " and then.. I started crying, shaking, silently shouting - because I didn't want my mom to hear me - of sadness, anger, and helplessness. I pulled some of my hair out - I don't know if this is the right verb, but I'm sure you will understand anyway ^^ - (I don't like my hair anyway, they are too long ) I wanted to puke. I used to thought that this feeling - wanting to be a boy - was all in my head, but it turn out it wasn't after all I guess. At least what happened made me realize that. Because the worst in all of this, it's that when I went downstairs to see my mom, my eyes were all red and I still wanted to cry, and she looked me in the eyes, and she saw nothing. My sadness remained totally unseen. And I currently don't know if I should talk to her about what just happened I'm sorry if some of those sentences aren't really English, but I wrote that without really thinking so..
Haha ^^ Thank you I decided that I had nothing to lose and I told her. She said that I should accept myself - as a girl - ... Well, at least I tried