Well, I haven't posted in a long time but I started questioning again, I was thinking I was probably bigender or genderfluid. I wanted a male body but I sort of wanted to be male and female. Then last night I had a dream where I think (but I'm not too sure) I was a boy but I still liked things considered girly and still had the same emotions, personality, etc. When I woke up I decided I'd dress as a boy and see how I felt. I guess I thought that I had to change a lot to be a boy but now I've realised that I don't. I don't know, I thought that if I acted a certain way that I considered feminine it would mean I was female. Now what I thought was true is false, and that's what scares me. Also, the things that come with this like surgery, hormones, therapy. Like I want a flat chest and male genitalia but I don't want to get surgery. I wish I could just wake up with a male body and everyone would use male pronouns. The weird thing was when I thought I was bigender, I wanted a male body and I wanted the male roles (dad, boyfriend) so I don't know why I wanted to be female too. On the bright side, being male doesn't seem so daunting now. But I have some worries like maybe I'm actually bigender or genderfluid and I just want to be a boy right now or maybe I thought I was bigender or genderfluid but I'm now realising my true self. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to be female or it's all in my mind. So, any advice would be greatly appreciated :help:
I understand this all to well. I have to constantly remind myself that transition to a male body doesn't mean throwing out the things I like as a girl. I can still read romance books and watch shows like The Help, hell a lot of men do though they might not want to admit to it. Therapy and surgery scare the hell out of me, but I will push my way through it so that I can be more comfortable in my body. Maybe I am bigender or gender fluid and I will wake up years down the road feeling I should of stayed a woman, but I doubt that will actually happen. I am more afraid of what will happen to my family when I come out. I am afraid if I will find a job or if I will be in danger, if I will find love. I'll push through it though. I can't let fear stop me all the time. You should do what makes you more comfortable, and what makes you happy.
