Don't know what to think

I've been struggling with my gender a lot over the last 6 months or so (a little longer I think.) I started waking up about once a week feeling more female than usual. As time has gone on, feelings have become more overwhelming. Yesterday, I went out shopping and decided to buy some makeup and jewelry because I've always wanted to learn how to wear makeup. When I got home and was all dressed up, I took pictures (I was actually semi-impressed with the job since it was my first time seriously trying.) Before I went to bed I decided to smoke a bowl (cannabis) because I wanted to smoke as a girl and I sat down in front of mirror and I started crying. It was only for a split second and I'm not sure if my eyes were tearing up or if it was actual emotions but all I could think was "am I really crying over the fact that I'll never be a girl? is this really happening?" There has to be a reason that question popped up in my head, right? I haven't been able to cry or get my emotions out for quite some time now so I couldn't figure it out with it happening so fast (as I've been suppressing emotions a lot.) All I know is that I spent 4 hours in makeup and only washed it off because my family doesn't know and I had to sleep. I can't remember the last time I felt like that. It was so free and liberating. I don't like being male, I dislike my body, I've always been jealous of females (which I'm thinking I got confused with attraction.) I wasn't always playing with dolls or makeup or anything when I was young either. Other than the last 6-12 months and the short periods throughout my life I've had these feelings (until I suppressed it I guess) this is all pretty new. I also think I make a pretty convincing girl, which makes me happier when I see that. I don't have a clue what to think of all of this. Anyone share these kinds of experiences?