Over a month ago, I came out to my mum about being trans and what she tells me is to "accept being female", etc. Regardless, I think she's trying to be supportive in her own way? She's willing to take me to the place where I need my case to transition to be heard and approved, since I have no mode of transportation myself. She was "happy" for me when I told her I finally filled out the referral for the place after sitting on it for a few months even though she still said, "but I still think you should accept being a girl," to my back as I was leaving the room. Which to me, just doesn't really seem like she was happy about it at all but I'll take what I can get, for now. Am I just over thinking that? While I think it might take her some time to get used to the idea that I'm actually transgender, I still want her to be a part of this process since she is my mother. Also, I want to get on with my life since it feels as if I'm stuck in the same spot. I've been considering boys names and I'm at a bit of a loss. I do have something in mind though. I was thinking of something along the lines of Cedar? Culturally, it's used as something to drink or bathe in in moments of grieving or trying to connect with the spirits, the recently dead are traditionally given Cedar baths before they are buried and the already dead(as in mummified corpses that are found at archaeological dig sites) that are repatriated are typically buried with the four medicines in Cedar boxes. I was considering Cedar because I want to help people through their grief or their suffering in my own way. I wanted it to reflect my willingness to use my capabilities for the sake of helping others, even if I have yet to realize those capabilities. I wanted my male name to mean something that's close to me culturally and Cedar has been something that I've been gravitating towards for a while. I want to mention this to my mother but it seems like a daunting task, I want to be able to be referred to by this name for a while to see how I feel about it. I wanted to ask for her input and see what she would think but I'm too nervous to ask her. I'm also getting mixed results on baby name sites regarding the name's sex(such as whether or not it's male or female). Which is partially why I'm stuck on the names. Initially, I was considering having a more "European" first name in respect to my father's side but now I'm having second thoughts about that. I've been considering a new last name to be that of an old ancestral name from my mum's side instead of having my father's last name. Should I even bother talking to her about this? I don't know if I should give it a shot or not. I'm also questioning whether or not I'm choosing this name in order to further fit in with my mum's side. My mum's side is native american and I look like some white person, I don't exactly fit in where I live. At some point, I would also like to start coming out to other people as transgender but I wanted to talk about this with my mum as well, again, I'm too nervous to speak about it. I feel as though anything related to my trans status is a taboo to speak of in the house. Maybe I'm over thinking things? I just don't know what to do about it.
