I just wish I could make sense of everything.

Well you cant figure this out on your own. The best thing for you to do is go to a therapist who specializes in identity issues near you and since you told your mom you can bring her with you.

 

Even if you can't afford a therapist sometimes it's good to talk to people. Figure things out, I actually wish I had at the time.

I was actually about 17/18 living in Florida when I started dealing with my issues on the subject...go figure. Coincidences...yay

 

Okay, first of all, I need to warn you I'm hell of tired and its really hot in my room (bad combo for me....focus ruined) lol. So if I don't make sense that is why.

I honestly cannot answer you. But you MAY be.

It is possible to obsess over something and convince yourself/make it more hard on yourself than it is for you. Its also possible dysphoria may get worse over time. Either way it doesn't mean you are or aren't. [okay I feel like I'm not making any sense here but I'll leave this anyways.]

But.....I cannot answer you.

I had a complicated situation that made it hard to accept that I was transgender, but I have. I still have my moments. And I do get dysphoria, but its rare. I consider myself lucky for the rare part.

Funny how we both used the jedi mind trick questions on ourselves.

---------- Post added 1st Aug 2015 at 12:51 AM ----------

This may be bad advice, but I guess, maybe try not thinking about it and if the feelings don't go away, then you may have a different gender identity. Give it a month or so?

If other people think its bad advice, don't go with it.

 

I think the best thing you can give yourself is time. Don't jump immediately into any big decisions. Gender identity can be difficult to sort out so it's really important to sort of meditate on it. Try to sort of identify how you feel about yourself in certain situations and contexts. Are you typically happier/more relieved when acknowledged as the opposite gender? Or are you generally uncomfortable with your body (especially secondary sexual characters?) That can be a good place to start.

If you can't afford a therapist, places like 7 cups of tea or even here can be good places if you need to talk things over with someone. A lot of gender therapists (who is the best person to help you address questioning concerns) may also accept sliding scale pay or even insurance depending on their office. Ask around and be your own advocate.

 

It took me half of my life to figure things out and many years I was very successfully bottling it up.
Family, Children, Parents growing old and in need of support. So I took every opportunity to deny it and move on and I felt as you describe it.
But the the bell rang and I was not able to suck it up any longer.

I just wrote this a couple of days ago and I'm a lazy gal therefore I copy and paste:

You are still so young, don't rush and take all the time you need to figure it out.
I'm sure you will succeed! (*hug*)

Maybe you can afford the therapist at least once or twice a month by doing side jobs in the evening or on the weekends.