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Confused and Depressed

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by LitePenguin, Jul 24, 2015.

  1. LitePenguin

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Gilbert
    I, um, I haven't been on here in a long time. Guess I just didn't find what I was looking for when I was more active on this site.

    But here I am again, confused and depressed because I can't figure out who I really am.

    I guess the problem I'm dealing with is whether I'm bisexual or...or I guess just gay or straight. I don't know.

    I live in an area that hates all sorts of homosexuality, transsexuality, etc. Maybe not as much as some cities. But Arizona is pretty intolerant, I've found, of my type.

    I don't have a lot of people I can relate to about this, the only other person who sorta gets tossed into my category that I know is asexual, so they can't really relate to me in this.

    But for the first time recently, I had my first sexual encounter with a girl. And it has left me wholly discontent about how I feel about sex.

    I have a lot of unusual...well, I guess the proper term is fetishes. I guess these make me feel even more alienated from what most people seem to call normal sex.

    And having gay desires makes it even more so.

    Anyway, back to the main point. I lost my, well, technically I lost my virginity to her, but I don't feel content or "okay" about the act itself.

    It wasn't...it just wasn't fulfilling.

    And I have begun to feel like that's my fault, that I'm not attractive or "big" enough.

    I like penis.

    But I also like vaginas.

    I just...I feel that I could never satisfy anyone in bed, man or woman.

    And my sexuality is a huge part of my life.

    I don't know what to do anymore.
     
  2. Michael

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I've been there before. The question is if you really liked this girl or you went through it 'just to get it done'. On the second case, you wouldn't have felt 'fullfilled' unless you were after physical sensations. First times are like training for runners : You won't get any good rush during a training.

    However the question I asked makes a difference : Did you felt you wanted her, or was she just 'good enough' on that moment? Did she knew you were a virgin?

    Last but not least, your 'unusual fetishes' are a part of your sexuality. Perhaps you should look for someone who is into that. Your chances of having a good time will multiply, and besides it might be you are more into your fetishes than you think. Doesn't mean it is permanent, or that you should feel wrong for having them.

    You mentioned your size. We all would kill for more inches, but there is more than that in sex. I do understand that 'moment of truth', when you are in front of a lover naked, makes you feel anxious and even as if you were in front of a grand jury, but what good is it. If they went with you, it's 'cause they liked you. Unless you are going with fools, what is inside your trousers won't change that. Trust me, it won't. And if it does.... You shouldn't be there wasting your time. There is greener pastures out there that would kill to have you. Whatever you do, avoid wasting your time.

    You don't need to prove anything to anyone. This is your life, and your time, and belong to you only.

    By the way, you should have posted on another section, not that we refuse to give you advice, but this belongs to 'Sexual and Romantic' I think...