Being pan, I will probably be in relationships with guys and girls, and others. Now, when I would date a woman, I feel like it wouldn't be seen as a lesbian relationship, but a straight one. And dating a guy, would be seen as a gay relationship. Thats not really something that I want, but I think it is just something that will happen. I always have these intense fears for the future, and a relationship are just one of the many issues. In addition to the fear of not being accepted by friends and potential lovers, Im just really afraid of a lot of things. I just want to be seen as a girl. Wear makeup and dresses, and be all girly. But so many things are keeping me down. I just feel alone. Even when I am in a crowded room, I am alone. Its just me and my demons. Sorry for what probably seems like a constant downpour of threads, but I'm just scared, again.
It's normal to be afraid. Being afraid sucks at the time, but it's one way of figuring out who you truly are and what you're willing to do to be happy. As a genderfluid/transmasculine guy, I have similar fears. For the labels you mentioned, you can't stop people from assuming things. It's what we do. But you don't need to listen to them. They say you're in a certain type of relationship? Say no or shrug it off or laugh, because they're wrong. Or explain; it doesn't matter who you date, you're pansexual - if you're dating a man, you're still not in a straight relationship because you're not straight. Same idea with a woman or any gendered person. Just simply say you're in a relationship because it doesn't define your sexuality. As for potential partners, just be safe. But also be open minded. Not everyone is a douche. You can be your amazing yourself and find someone who will love you for who you are. I'm not sure if this helps at all, but I hope it makes you feel a little better.
"I just feel alone. Even when I am in a crowded room, I am alone. Its just me and my demons." My intention is not to criticize, but maybe you feel alone because you hardly think of anything other than your personal demons. There is a beautiful, complex yet dreadful world out there that is populated by countless fascinating people. Do you spend time reading news articles, follow political and economic trends, empathize with people around you, and try to help them sort out their own problems? I'm not asking for answers, as these are just questions for you to consider. I respect that you are trans and can relate to your desire for a relationship. But in order to have a healthy and stable one you'd need a solid foundation. Such as being economically independent in a material sense, and emotionally healthy in a psychological context. If you want to stop feeling afraid, maybe you can quit dwelling your on past or potential issues in the future. Just focus on the now, and take the practical steps necessary to realize your dreams.
