I don't exactly have great options in terms of mental health. There are no gender therapists within a reasonable distance, and I already have to drive half an hour to get to my therapist. That's my fault, I'm too anxious to go to anyone in town. I have a psychiatrist who doesn't seem to trust me, and got dangerously close to outing me to my mother. So yeah. My therapist though, is a whole different problem. He avoids talking about my gender identity at all, and although that isn't the only issue in my life right now, I'd say it's probably the biggest. He wrote his dissertation on gender dysphoria, but I get the idea that he's part of the old crowd in the psychology world, who view being trans as a disorder. I don't know why he won't talk about it. Maybe he doesn't feel like he knows enough to help. Maybe he has a personal bias against it or something. I have no idea, but I probably should find a different person. The thing is, we don't seem to have a normal therapist/patient relationship anymore. He's been acting more like I'm a personal friend. He lent me his favorite book, and he's even confided in me on one occasion. (irony right?) I have no idea how to handle that, and I can't bring myself to find another therapist, because I feel like it will upset him. That's one of my big problems, I want everyone to be happy, even at a detriment to myself. I don't really know where I was going with this thread. Advice? Encouragement? Maybe I just needed to vent? I get that nobody can really help without knowing him, but if anyone has thoughts or opinions or just wants to weigh in on the matter, I'd really appreciate it.
Your therapist should never be your friend, should never confide in you, and certainly shouldn't avoid talking about issues that are important to you. Also, your therapist should have made it clear from the outset that you can't disappoint or upset him/her... you should be able to say anything, and you should also be able to leave therapy, or switch to a different therapist, at any time, without upsetting him. If he didn't do that, he didn't properly establish the therapy relationship. There's no sense going to therapy if you aren't doing the work, and it sounds like you can't because he's avoiding it. So my suggestion would be to call him on it. Directly tell him that your gender identity is the most important issue to you, that every time you bring it up, he skirts it, and you want to talk about why he's skirting the issue, and you want it to change. YOU are in charge of the therapy hour since you are paying the bill. I get the part about wanting everyone to be happy... and at the same time, it's really important that you put yourself first and foremost, particularly in an environment where that's exactly where you're supposed to be. So it's really up to you to change this, and simply having that conversation with your therapist could be the beginning of healthier behaviors for you.
Some therapists, sadly, don't want to help with everything. They are there to help you, not really the other way around. Most therapists don't get into their own personal life. They shouldn't for that matter. I think the best thing would be to confront him, and search for a new therapist. Maybe the current one doesn't fair too well with gender identity. Maybe after the conversation, he'll change his methods. Talking to him about it should be the first step, let the rest just be decided when needed. Good luck!
