Lately, I've been thinking about my gender a lot and I'm just really confused. I feel like I'm thinking about my identity too much and it's clouding my mind, so I'd love for you guys to tell me what you think about my gender. Basically, (as an AFAB kid) I grew up without gender roles, and I wasn't forced to be a girl by my parents. Mostly, I just ran around outside and did a lot of rambunctious things like a little boy would, but I never felt like a boy (I never felt like a girl either). Because of the freedom from gender roles/gendered things, I think I had no indication of gender for myself. I looked at other kids and I saw boys and girls, but I never saw myself as a one of them... I was just me. Then, when I started 3rd grade, I started hanging out with the boys and having a lot of masculine qualities. I was seen as an extreme "tomboy" in school. But I know it wasn't that simple... I can specifically remember praying to God, begging for a penis, and then crying and getting really upset when I realized I would never have one. After a while, the extreme dysphoria died down, but it never truly went away. Around the time I went through puberty, I tried being feminine and girly. When I put on dresses and a full face of makeup, I felt absolutely disgusting, even though I looked great. I've literally broken down in dressing rooms because I hate my breasts and I hate the girly clothes that I'm supposed to wear. Often, I wake up forgetting that I have boobs, and once I realize they're there I get feel really empty and hopeless. Since the start of high school, I've fully embraced the fact that part of me is nonbinary (specifically, the part of me I grew up as), but I can't help but think that I've always been a boy too... I've always been more masculine, and boyish things have always appealed to me more/made me happy. So my question is, do you think that I'm an FtM or more of a demiboy? Also, feel free to ask me more questions if you need too! Please help before I go crazy!
Sounds FTM to me, maybe Demiboy or some non-binary masculine identity. Disclaimer: I'm also trying to figure out if I'm MTF or Demigirl so my advice may not be completely accurate. Does any particular Identity stick out to you or are you just like "wut"
I'm just super confused. Being a boy brings me closure since it's what I'm most comfortable as, but I feel like my mind isn't quite 100% male. Probably closer to 90%. I'm just "wut" at this point...
Demiboy or Transmasculine sounds the closest to what you're saying, but at the end of the day it's your gender, no one can understand your gender better than yourself. You could also browse through the gender wiki (just google gender wiki) and see if anything sounds right to ya
Omg, transmasculine is actually pretty fitting! The label sticks out to me too!! Thank you, and good luck with your gender as well!
