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Sometimes I have trouble understanding gender...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by waternation, Jul 28, 2015.

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  1. waternation

    waternation Guest

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    Hey :smilewave I just thought I would quickly post my thoughts on gender that I've been thinking about for a while. Mostly, I have trouble defining to myself what gender actually is, and what it should be. Oh, quick disclaimer - I don't intend to offend any persons in the post so if I say something weird or that you don't think is right please tell me so I can become more aware (*hug*)

    Firstly, I've always had a problem with the expectations placed on "men" and "women". As a cis female, I hated growing up being encouraged to be submissive, giggly, weak, "girly" etc. etc. Basically a lot of things that went against my naturally personality, but I know have influenced it unfortunately all the same. It's something that in the past few years I have had to put conscious effort into - to try and be true to my own real personality rather than the manufactured one encouraged to me because I have... only the X chromosomes :confused:

    Anyway, secondly I have always felt really "meh" about my own gender. It feels wrong to wear dresses or skirts, it feels strange to hear myself being referred to as a "woman" (although for some reason I am fine with "girl") but I've always felt like I couldn't care less if tomorrow I woke up as a guy or whatever, or was born biological male to begin with. I just don't see my personal identity that strongly linked to my gender. But I do still feel female? just also very indifferent... When it comes to attractions, gender seems like a difference of hair color or something (personality comes first) :confused: I think... If I feel such a weak association with my gender then maybe I am trans* of some sort, but it doesn't feel like that at all; it's just that I don't really care.

    In summary, I guess I have a hard time understanding what gender is, and what the difference between gender and gender expression is because sometimes it can seem like a hard thing to distinguish when you think about it in personal terms. Of course, I completely respect and acknowledge that there are people who belong to all parts of the gender spectrum, who are trans etc. I'm not at all implying that gender is purely social construct, it is so much more. But... I'm still not exactly sure what it is. It's not purely expression, that's more like a result for how you identify internally? But how much of our gender actually shapes who we are without social constructs and pressures?

    I just think it's so stupid how so many people cling to the idea of what's strictly "masculine" and "feminine" and what's "male" and "female" still, like there are only two distinct binaries with tagged set expectations for behavior/dress/personality/expression and like that shapes whole aspects of our person. It can be so horribly suffocating :icon_sad:
     
    #1 waternation, Jul 28, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2015
  2. Eveline

    Eveline
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    It might help you to try and redefine what it means to bs female in your eyes. Not really connecting with being perceived as female is fairly natural if you attribute negative qualities to your gender such as being submissive and weak. When I think about what it means to me to be female submissive and gigly don't feel right. Perception of gender can heavily intluence your self image and identity and people who have highly negative images will often have a low self esteem a result.

    Think of someone female that you admire and try to figure what is about her that you find so appealing. Now, ask yourself this, is she the ideal woman for you? what traits make her ideal? These traits paint a much healthier image of what it means to be a woman, women shouldn't be viewed as giggly or submissive!

    Don't let the skewed image created by others of women cloud your own perception of yourself and other women...

    (*hug*)

    Yael
     
    #2 Eveline, Jul 29, 2015
  3. TobaccoFlower

    TobaccoFlower
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    I think there's a lot to be said about that, actually.
    For instance, I myself am a bit giggly and I AM a very submissive person, but I see both of those things as good and fun and attractive. *shrug* I find bold personalities to be upsetting and scary. However, I have a get-r-done attitude that I get (funnily) from my mom. But she's still DEFINITELY a girl. She's a business owner, used to be a journalism teacher, and does construction work when she wants to. But she's still girly as the day is long inside. Outwardly she could be a gruff man, but she WANTS to be a girl and she is happy that way. That's the difference in my mind.

    My dad is submissive and loving and contemplative, does the cooking and cleaning, and works at a desk job. But he's also very confident in his own manliness. *shrug* I just got a little of both but feel like my body isn't right. I don't place value in being handsome.
    Maybe gender is just a construct based on what people of a certain sex TYPICALLY want for themselves and find attractive in other people, and sometimes some people don't really fill the glass.

    Most of society is based on perceived averages and "norms" to function within the confines of how the mind categorizes potential threats/rewards.( Wouldn't it be scary if you had NO IDEA how a person would act when you met them? )
    So perhaps that's really all gender is? Just an average?
     
    #3 TobaccoFlower, Jul 29, 2015
  4. waternation

    waternation Guest

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    I completely agree, there are heaps of women that I admire too but I think my upbringing had a lot to do with it where I was told constantly what was "girly", what was "not". For example, being pushed into doing dancing rather than basketball or soccer. It wasn't even until my 20's that I realised I don't have to follow all that and broke out of those boundaries more. There was other stuff going on in my life though which probably prolonged that progression/growth of self awareness and value.

    Thank you for your insight (*hug*) It's very good advice^^

    Oh, sorry, I meant yeah it is fine to be giggly and a submissive person and that so long as it is not expected just because of what gender you are :eusa_doh: These aren't necessarily bad things at all, it's just a sweeping assumption about females. Your mum sounds awesome btw^^

    Hmmm, that's a really interesting way of thinking about expected gender roles and behaviors! And I'm not sure if gender is just an average... some people associate with their gender really strongly sometimes (or lack of). But yeah, I do think that last paragraph could make a lot of sense :slight_smile:
     
    #4 waternation, Jul 29, 2015
  5. TobaccoFlower

    TobaccoFlower
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    No offense taken at all. And she IS PRETTY COOL. She is also the one who taught me that gender roles and sexuality don't matter. That I will be loved no matter what. And that's the only important thing. Love conquers.
    Well
    logic also helps a lot. She taught me that too.

    I just think that perhaps society isn't all so bad. Just misguided. It's a collective brain that created genders. So there must be some element of truth. However as with any definition it doesn't ALWAYS work the way it was intended.
     
    #5 TobaccoFlower, Jul 29, 2015
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