I know I've made probably too many thread but between everything I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. I'm happy I'm being me and living as me but it's been tough. I still have massive fits of dysphoria about certain aspects of myself... though, thankfully less parts of myself than I did. I've been looking for a job for 5 years and cannot get one. Some for my lack of experience and other were more qualified sure but I've also been told to "Never call or go to" a place again when checking on my application status. So because of that I also have financial issues and when I get super down I buy things to deal with it. Which just makes this point worse, but I could be doing worse to myself I guess. My insomnia is still prevalent. A lot of older memories from growing up that I'd buried or forgotten have also resurfaced and the combination of all these things sometimes I just break down and cry. Don't get me wrong, I'm HAPPY that I get to be me and not hide. It's the best I've felt in years but it's still too much. How do you deal with everything...?
Leifa, You've been job searching for 5 years? Wow, you sound like a very persistent and determined person, good for you. It also sounds like you are in a tough place. Being financially insecure can be very stressful, not to mention the insomnia and difficult memories. I too have dealt with sleep problems and pervasive memories. What has gotten me through is a really good therapist and reaching out to a few people I really trust. In fact, if I didn't have my small support group, I think things could have gone bad when I started to question my gender identity. With all the stresses in your life, what keeps you grounded? What keeps you hopeful? Corbin
If you are spending a lot of time during late hours in front of your computer, using Flux can help with your insomnia. https://justgetflux.com/ Don't try to bury old painful memories. They'll just keep trying to resurface until you accept your past. Try to regulate your feelings with meditation, exercise, music and binaural beats. It also helps to talk to people, online or offline. Perhaps you could also consider getting an animal companion, such as a cat or bird. Good luck and take care of yourself.
This might seem like a simplistic or basic recommendation, but do you have anything you're passionate about? Any hobbies, or anything that makes you happy when you do it/think about it? I know it won't necessarily solve your problems, but sometimes having that one thing to look forward to can be really uplifting and give you a sense of purpose that is more immediately rewarding than the daily struggle. When I was in a bad spot I revisited a hobby I hadn't done in years and it really helped me feel good about something. I second Corbin's recommendation to find a therapist/counselor if that's possible financially or otherwise. It does sound like you are trying really hard, and I know it may not feel like it now, but your diligence will be rewarded eventually!
I have a cat She's nice... I um, tried to talk to someone. I want to I think but I never even got very far and got my sexuality berated, insulted, and overall made me feel like crap. Also just hinting at some things got me completely taken advantage of. I guess I picked the wrong person...again. I don't have a great track record... I feel like I get exploited a lot... I'm between errands atm but I'll see what that flux thing is when I have time tonight. Never heard of it before. Not sure what it is! Thank you. I haven't been to a therapist in awhile besides my one for dysphoria... and persistent?..I guess. Sometimes I give up the job hunt for a bit but I don't really know what else to do but keep trying. I was, as far as I know, denied food stamps. (been over a year and never heard back...) I've tried to get back into writing but it's been hard and hasn't gone great. That's about it for hobbies etc that arn't video games with my friend who moved to california >.>
