1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Can you please Help?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ScaryClosets, Jul 29, 2015.

  1. ScaryClosets

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MiddleEarth
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hello people! Um, I'm ScaryClosets, and I'm utterly confused on my gender. I understand you've probably seen me around on here asking the same question, but no one has helped me so far. So, I'm making another thread to ask the same question.

    I'm biologically a female and am okay with my body, but I feel like a male. I have a male brain, that's for sure. I like wearing guy clothes and being considered one of the guys. If I were to be in a relationship, I would definitely be the guy in the relationship. I'm not that comfortable with being called a male in terms of pronouns, I guess cuz' I'm used to being called a female. I've considered binding, and actually got quite excited for it. I've thought that I was Genderfluid, Bigender, Transgender, or a Drag King. I don't want to change my body parts, but I do want to have a masculine look. I'm comfortable with my female body, but I also really want to be a male. I'm different from most girls, that's for sure. I don't really hang out with girls all that much, and have a desire to wear guy stuff a lot. Sadly, I'm extremely petite. Anyway, I'm not sure if I have dysphoria at all. I know that I've never really thought this until now, but I've known that I've always been different from girls. I never encountered these feelings as a child, so I might not be transgender. I wouldn't know actually. Please help me out! Thank you <33​
     
  2. XxSunXDragonxX

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2015
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Honestly, you sound almost exactly like me; however, I feel uncomfortable when someone says I'm handsome or beautiful. I do identify mostly as a dude or neutral, but on some minor occasions, I feel pretty feminine, and not feminine like shaving my legs, or putting makeup or nail polish on. The little act of crossing my legs and talking in a certain way is feminine enough for me. :lol: I feel strange when I act like that though, even though it comes naturally out of the blue.
    Anyway, I totally get you. A label that would suit you best would be gender fluid in my opinion. I identify as gender fluid, and we are very similar aren't we?
    :thumbsup:


    I do in fact realize that you are still in the self discovery process, and things could change in the future. For now though, I suggest you keep experimenting. Don't overthink to the point of anxiety. I did that, and it sucked. If you need any more assistance, just post a message on my wall. (*hug*)
     
    #2 XxSunXDragonxX, Jul 29, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2015
  3. ScaryClosets

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MiddleEarth
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thank you so much! I think I've always been genderfluid, but never knew. Subconsciously I used to dress up like a guy and put my hair into a bun with a beanie over it or some days I used to wear a dress. Thank you so much for helping me read in between the lines!
     
  4. XxSunXDragonxX

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2015
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    No problem! I was glad I was able to help! :grin:
     
  5. KaelTail

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2015
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Usually genderfluid suggests you shift around between multiple genders . From what you said up there it sounds like your gender stays mostly male, along with your gender expression. Being transgender doesn't mean you want to change your body, and it doesn't mean you need to have dysphoria. There are plenty of transgender men who like their bodies and don't feel a need to change them, for many different reasons. You may also identify with labels like "demiboy" or, if you feel some attachment to another gender simultaneously even if it's not a strong attachment, bi-gender. Though, genderfluid fits very well if you do feel like you shift genders. (ex: today you feel male, but tomorrow you may feel mostly neutral and only a little male or maybe a little female). Bi-gender, in contrast, suggests an identity of 2 genders in a fairly stable ratio. (ex: feeling 80% male and 20% female on a consistent basis or feeling both 100% male and 100% female).

    Also, realize that gender is a mental phenomenon. To simplify things, you have a biological sex, a sexual orientation, a gender identity, and a gender expression. None of these 4 things necessarily effects the others. Your gender identity is how you feel in your mind, and your gender expression is how you feel like changing your physical appearance to express who you are along with the way you express yourself socially. One could be a male-identified person in an XX body who swears like a sailor, or a male-identified person with an XX body that likes having the features of an XX body and loves wearing "guyliner" and squees over puppies.

    Consider, not every cis-male answers the questions of "what would you do if you woke up in a woman's body" negatively, and not every trans guy views that body type as a curse or a hindrance to their male-ness.

    No matter what label you choose for yourself in the end, feel free to experiment and don't feel like you have to stick with your first choice in labels. If you learn something new about yourself, or something changes, it's completely normal to change your mind on what you identify with. I hope my TL;DR response helps. >.<
     
    #5 KaelTail, Jul 29, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2015
  6. ScaryClosets

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MiddleEarth
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thank you for posting! Honestly, I'm just a person still trying to learn who they are. I always thought I was an Anogirl, because I always go through different identities to try them out. I think I might be Genderfluid because I've always been toward that identity more. I've always been balanced between the two genders, and I've known that for a very long time. But for the teen years I'm in now, I definitely feel more towards male. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with male pronouns though. I know I've always wanted to be more guy-ish though, because that's how I feel now. But I know I'll change, because I have been. When I'm with my guy friends, I feel like an actual guy guy. Like, a total flirt and stuff(I'm a player at heart, don't get me wrong). I have the brain of a guy, and that's not something you could deny. When I imagine being a guy, I imagine me being happy. I've considered binding of course, but I don't want to do it for safety reasons. I think if I were to become a guy, I'd like it. But whenever I thought of myself like a month ago, I saw myself wearing guy clothes with a beanie on. Picture Marshall Lee , but with a beanie and baggy pants. But I don't really picture myself like that anymore. I don't really know how to picture myself anymore. I've always known that I fit into the Genderfluid identity a lot though, just because that's how I used to dress. Now on the inside I'll always be more like a boy. I'm still trying out wearing guy clothes and such, and I'm totally okay with the weird looks I get. When I wear guy stuff, I feel absolutely amazing! Is that normal?​
     
  7. Putterpuff

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2015
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Columbus, Oh
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Dear Scary. Loved your post, I relate to so much you said. I am a lesbian and consider myself a guy. Im not trans in the sense i am ok with and identify my sex as female, but my personality and characteristics are male. My femme (girly female) partner calls me a boi and we tell people we are in a heterosexual relationship, which confuses them haha. But we are butch-femme and dont like being called a lesbian relationship because that relugates me as a female in the equation, which is not the gender i subscribe to. Ive wondered too if i fall in the category of dysphoria, so im glad to know there is another person similar to me wondering the same thing. Its really something else to hear you describe your experience and know, hey me too. Thats exactly it, and to know that you cant say for sure what that it translates to is very interresting. Would love to chat more on this and hear more of your take. I found Kaels info terrific, thanks Kael. So scary, if its not too personal (dont answer if you dont want), where do you allign your gender identity and gender expression?
     
  8. Ryu

    Ryu
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2014
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Under a rock according to 'cool' people
    After reading your post and doing some 'confirmation' on Wikipedia, I'd say that you tick most of the boxes for being androdgynous. Maybe. Just my thinking, but identifying as your own gender but dressing as the opposite, apparently is androdgyny. I have no idea whether wikipedia is right, but if it is, that's the vibe i'm getting from you.
     
  9. ScaryClosets

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MiddleEarth
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hmm... I've never considered Androgynous before. I have an online friend who is, but I've never really considered it for myself. Someone did call me androgynous once before, and I'm not sure if I liked it or not. Thanks for your help! ​