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It was only a matter of time, and now coming out will just be harder.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kodo, Jul 29, 2015.

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  1. Kodo

    Kodo
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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    For a while I'd wondered what my grandmother's opinion on trans people was. Well I just figured out and frankly, it saddens me.

    Long story short, there were guests over and someone brought up Caitlyn Jenner. Between strings of "he" and "him" this or that, how disgusting, how outrageous, our doomed society, et cetera.

    Yep.

    Well if I thought coming out to her would go over well, I know now that it may not. I know that I cannot really judge how she'll react to family being trans rather than strangers being trans - it still stings.

    I was so close to making the decision to come out to my family, but this scares me. This is my father's mother and I know he may share some of the same sentiments. I just know that when I come out, it's going to be hell.

    Maybe I should just wait, I say. Wait till I'm an adult. Wait till I'm moved out. But I cannot do that. I have to come out soon, regardless of the reaction. I just wish I could know there would be some support waiting for me.

    What's worse is that so much of these opinions are formed out of ignorance. It's my hope that my journey will teach my family what this is really about, so they don't simply dismiss all trans-people as hell-bound perverts. It's just sad, I guess.
     
    #1 Kodo, Jul 29, 2015
  2. Daydreamer1

    Daydreamer1
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sorry about that, man.

    The reactions you can get from people can be shocking as hell sometimes. It's part of the reason why I don't know if I'll come out to some of my relatives, especially since they're pretty religious and old school. I hope things work out for you.
     
    #2 Daydreamer1, Jul 29, 2015
  3. oncetherewasa

    oncetherewasa
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    Ugh, I relate so much. I have to hear something like that from my grandmother about LGBQ people every day. I figured she'd have a negative opinion on trans people (if she even knew about trans people) and sure enough, any time there's mention of Caitlyn on TV she goes on a tirade and groans about how nauseating it is and how "he's just been caught up in the world", whatever that means. But she's super religious in a batshit way so...

    but yeah, that really sucks and I can completely empathize with you. It's really depressing and hurtful to know. I've delayed any sort of big coming out for this very reason. I feel like I need to be out of the house and not depending on her for a place to live before I tell her. That's a good way to look at it. I can only hope that my eventual transition will help my entire family open their eyes and not be so quick to judge and hate.
     
    #3 oncetherewasa, Jul 29, 2015
  4. Eveline

    Eveline
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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Sigh, my mother is of your grandmother's generation and every time I talk to her I'm faced with the harsh reality that she has really really negative views about what it means to be trans. I time and time again explain to her everything, yet she always mysteriously forgets it the next time we talk. She is beginning to come around but it has been a long and painful process to get her to this point. Coming out is not easy and can end badly, yet if you are patient and show no doubts you will likely eventually get through to them or at least break them down enough to get them to 'sacrifice' themselves for you and accept you.

    Assume that this is going to be a long process and that the beginning might be extremely hard and painful. Come out when you feel emotionally prepared for such an outcome and prepare yourself for many months of hurtful comments and transphobic remarks. It's a part of the journey that we must go through and it often takes parents a long time to come to terms with you transitioning and for them to cope with the fears and loss that such a change entails for them. Unfortunately, some time in the future you will need to make the plunge and tell them, they will respond as they will and life will most likely go on whatever the outcome will be. You will still be in control and you will have taken an important step towards transitioning...

    Much hugs and I hope that everything works out,

    (*hug*)

    Yael
     
    #4 Eveline, Jul 29, 2015
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