While I do not specifically identify myself as transgender, I often feel much of the same kind of dysphoria. I'm basically an athletic tomboy who dresses like an extremely preppy guy. (polos, boat shoes, patterned shorts, etc). I love being female, however I have never been comfortable with my chest. Over the past several years I have slowly started expressing my true self, but am in no way where I want to be. From the time I was 7 or 8 I remember sneaking into my dad's closet and trying on his clothes. I look up to my dad like most daughters would (well almost). In some ways I envied my brothers because of their "man to man" bond with him, and when I came out as gay a few years ago I saw the bond I really wanted start to form. My family has been very accepting, however coming from a conservative Catholic background does not leave much room for gender expression outside of the norm. I went out last weekend and wore my binder for the first time and couldn't believe how amazing I felt. I had worn it alone several times, but being out with friends and feeling some sort of relief when it came to my chest was priceless. Today I finally learned how to tie my very first tie. It wasn't one I borrowed from my brothers or father (as I had done secretly in the past), it was my very own and realizing this left me both extremely excited as well as heartbroken. Exciting as these events may seem I still felt guilty for some reason. I tried explaining this to a friend a year or two ago and basically got nowhere. Today I had no one to go to when I accomplished these things and needed some kind of outlet which is why I decided to post this even though I am by no means a writer. I just wanted to know if anyone else was going through something similar...am I the only one who feels this chest dysphoria but does not identify as a transgender male? Sorry for the ramble and if you made it this far you deserve some kind of consolation prize (!)
There are tons of people with dysphoria that aren't afab men in the LGBTQ+ community. I'm sure you're not alone. And there's no need to feel guilty! I'm glad that you're learning to do things like tying ties. There's support here if/when you need it!
