A few years ago, when I started questioning my sexual orientation, I began to read up on gender. I questioned mine a little, decided I'm firmly in the 'cis' category, and moved on. The thing is that while I don't feel gender dysphoria, part of me wants to present as male and use male pronouns and be called by the male version of my name. When I'm on the internet, and someone calls me a 'he' because that's what they assume, I get this jolt of happiness and I want it to happen in real life. I love wearing clothes from the guy's section of the store, but the bulky shirts and stuff always look wrong on me. Sometimes, it feels like when people refer to me a woman, girl, lady, etc, they're just...wrong. It feels inaccurate. Using the girl's room and changing with girls in the locker room doesn't bother me, but I wouldn't care if I had to use the guy's bathroom/locker room/etc either. (But if I'm honest, being called a guy/boy/sir/etc doesn't feel any better.) I really wish I could experiment with presenting as male- maybe go out for a day and introduce myself as a guy to waiters and cashiers, have them use a male name- but I'm incredibly feminine-looking, and I don't want to permanently transition. I just want to be able to present as a gay and have that be believable. I'm happy being in a female body and presenting as female, but I also want to not. I feel slightly appropriative by wanting to present as male for a little while and then go back to being a girl because I don't feel physical dysphoria and it feels like I'm being gross at trans people by doing this when I'm not actually trans, if that makes any sense. Does anyone have any insight? Because I have no idea what my deal is right now.
There are a lot of lesbian or bisexual women who like to present more masculinely. Might that be what's going on for you? Having said that, it sounds like this is a fairly recent thought you've been having. At this point, I wouldn't worry too much about labels or jumping into the deep end of the pool right now. Just be open to who you are and see what happens. Give yourself some time to explore things. Time is a good friend.
I think I'm going through the same as you. Lately I have felt like a more masculine type, and I want to be. Though, I know that I am not transmasculine at all. I like my female body just the way it is, but I still want to dress in a guy way too. I totally understand what you're going through, because I am too. I've been experimenting lately with guy clothes, but it's really hard to find the right sizes for my female body. Honestly, I just have been calling myself Genderfluid. Genderfluid gives you a base to start with before you start labeling yourself a lot. Genderfluid can give you a crutch for now, so you don't have to jump right into everything. I don't think that you should think about this too much, because it can get pretty overwhelming. I think about it way too much, and it's causing me some stress. Although, there is another sense that you could be a Demiboy. I'm sorry if this didn't help all that much, I'm not an expert on these things.
