Okay, so I have recently come to realize that I really think I am supposed to be a man, and that me being a woman is a major cause of most of my social issues and definitely contributes to my self esteem problems too. I just don't know what to do now. I have lived my whole life as a feminine female, I mean I used to be a tomboy but ever since puberty i conformed to the normal "girly" standards. I have always known that I wished I was a boy... I told my family that when I was little, like I told them that I actually thought I was a boy, but they just brushed it off like it was nothing so I made nothing of it and just acted like a girl because they told me I was wrong. But I have recently done research on what transgender is and I really think that transitioning would finally make me feel comfortable in my own skin. But I don't know for sure if I am right but all I know is that if I could have one wish, it would be to have been born a boy and it has been my whole life. I used to pray to God every night to turn me into a boy while I was sleeping. And to me that seems like I should transition. Now. But I'm so so so scared and I don't want it to ruin my life the way it is and I don't want to lose people in my life and I don't know how I would tell my family and there's just too many I don't know's and also not enough self esteem or self care to bother. But I am going mad in this body. I want to rip my skin off and I can barely stand the sound of my feminine voice anymore and sex is starting to make me want to die and I could keep going but I'm sure my point is made and this is getting long. I just.. I don't know what to do. I need help and I am too afraid to ask anyone I know so here I am:bang::icon_sad:
I know it's scary, but transition is worth it. Honestly, you probably will lose people, but you won't lose everyone. The people who stick around are the only ones worth keeping anyway. You aren't happy in the body you have. It is worth it to be able to be yourself, to be able to be comfortable in your own body, even if some other people don't like it. A good, low stakes first step you can take is to start presenting as male online. Figure out if he/him pronouns work for you. Find a new name, if you don't like the one you have. If you can, start making changes to your appearance. Get a hair cut if that's what you want. Find more masculine clothing that hides the parts of your body you don't like. Get a binder if you can. Do everything you can do without having to actually tell your parents why. Then worry about coming out. It can be stressful, but it can be very important. Are there any good friends you have who you know would be accepting? Come out to them first. It's good to have at least one person you're out to who can help you when you start telling people who might not be as accepting. How do you think your family would/will react? Have they generally shown accepting or transphobic attitudes? Even if they don't seem super accepting, do you think they're sufficiently bigoted to kick you out or cut you off? If so, don't come out until you're out of their house and financially independent. Good luck If you have more questions or want more advice, please ask. We're totally here to help you figure this all out.
