need help for starting T

Never ever self medicate.

If you are being refused, don't try to force it, it won't make things better. Try to look for things that can be improved. What is going on to make the doctors refuse?

Also take a step back, I think you feel like T is a life jacket, and your going to drown, but it's rarely that bad. It's not going to be the end of the world if you don't start this instant. Really the more time you take to truly understand yourself the better.

Personally I would like to start HRT, but I need more counselling for coming out at work. I'm not running out to get it this instant, transitioning is not a race.

Just make sure your doing it for the right reason without a single doubt in your mind. Make sure you get lots of counseling, and have real life experiences. There's only one way to find out if your ready, to crossdress in public. Some doctors will ask for some real life experience. Gate keeping sucks a lot, but it's a necessity for people that are not ready. The worst thing you can do is transition for the wrong reason.

Good luck,

Rochelle

 

Self-medicating is not only dangerous, but quite frankly a stupid thing to do.

You're not a doctor so you don't know how much you need, and you run the risk of spiking your estrogen levels (since T will convert over if there's too much of it in your system) on top of the heavy risks with liver and heart disease. Testosterone is a controlled substance, and it's pretty much illegal to get it without assistance from your doctor. Another reason why self-medicating is a bad idea, is because you don't know what you're really getting or what's in it. It could be the real thing or it could be poison, you never know. It's not worth the risk.

Is there a specific reason why your doctors aren't being helpful? If you tried being reasonable with them and they still won't budge, the only two things I can suggest are talking to a therapist to get you a referral or seeking out a local informed consent clinic who can get you started. Going about things illegally isn't a wise idea, and you'll just get more problems out of it than anything.

 

Which providence do you live in, if I may ask? Have you tried going through your providence's system for transitioning? Since I live in Ontario, I go through the CAMH Gender Identity Clinic. I've come to understand that every providence has some sort of system set in place for trans people, I think? Admittedly, I'm still waiting to get my call for my initial hearing with them. It's only been almost two months but it still feels like forever, I hate waiting for something like this. I know that the system is over-saturated and the load that they expected compared to the work-load they are actually receiving is crazy. It's safer to go through with professionals though, don't self-medicate hormones like that. Try to work with a gender therapist to get into the system that you need, it's much safer that way. It might take longer than what you want, but it's better than the alternative...

 

I can understand your frustration but I really urge against self medicating or buying T yourself.

First off, as everyone else has said, it's dangerous. Testosterone is a pretty powerful substance and it's in your best interest to have it monitored, controlled, and overseen by a medical professional. Most trans men on T should be getting regular blood work about three to four months in their first year to monitor their HRT treatment and make sure everything's okay.

The big thing is making sure you receive the proper dosage. Unless you're an endocrinologist yourself it's going to be very hard to determine that on your own.

Now I have to ask a few things. Have you seen a gender therapist? Having an official gender dysphoria diagnosis and a proper referral is what's really going to open doors for you. I know you may be reluctant to see a gender therapist but depending on where you live, having someone who can write letters of recommendation for legal document changes, surgeries, and so on is going to be a really powerful tool for you.

You can, as Daydreamer suggested, also consider an informed consent clinic. If you have any in your local area this is the next best option. Once you talk to them, you'll be asked to sign a waiver and will be walked through everything you can expect from being on T. They should also be able to help you monitor your blood work and because they regularly work with trans patients, it should be a great resource where you can ask questions and get an idea for what's ahead.

You should also find a general physician who you're comfortable with. Regular medical exams should be something everyone has but when you're trans it's especially imperative due to all the changes your body will be undergoing. This is also something to consider since you brought up concerns about your liver and heart. Since there's such little research out there about the effects of being on testosterone long-term for trans men, you really want to be conscious about getting out there, monitoring yourself, and talking to someone if you're concerned about developing unpleasant conditions.

I know it's really hard waiting. But your health is important too. Hormones are going to help you a lot but they have to be taken very carefully and you're only going to be able to do that if you have the proper resources.

 

Just to pipe in, one of the things you can do is look to the nearest major city to where you live. If your city doesn't have an LGBT resource, the nearest major city will. Even if they can't help you, chances are they'll know someone who can.
From there, they'll be able to help you find an LGBT friendly doctor. But don't give up, keep digging. Keep asking questions. You're in Canada, so I'm kinda shocked you haven't been able to find someone to help you so far. They are out there.

And like others have said, it's not worth it to self-medicate. There's just too high a risk of something going very, very badly. On The Fosters (TV), there's a transguy, Cole, who gets so desperate he buys street T. He injects, ends up having a seizure and hits his head and gets a severe concussion. Like Daydreamer1 said, you don't really know what you're getting. Something tells me that's not a far-fetched scenario.

There ARE resources. There IS a way to do this safely. Don't give up.

 

Please look for an informed consent clinic. They will let you have T even when your doctors aren't agreeing, but you will still have the sort of regulation and monitoring that is so incredibly vital. Please do not self medicate. As everyone else has said, it is incredibly dangerous and 100% not worth it. You've made it this long without T. You can make it a little bit longer. You don't have to wait forever. You will get T. Just please wait a little bit longer until you can get it safely.