I just went to the Q Center for the first time with my Mom and right after left felt the knawing feeling in my stomach of a mental breakdown all I could see and feel was black, pain, anger, disgust, I wanted to cut myself and die right in the car I was crying and just asking my Mom to please help me ( she has been so supportive and wonderful so she didnt know what else to do) I'm glad she was there so I could at least just rant but I was getting upset that I didn't have more recourses I guess. Idk why I was so triggered i just being reminded that i'm AFAB and I have this disgusting body. female anatomy disgusts and triggers me very very badly and I feel like scum because i don't want to think like that, women are so important and wonderful i just...idk it hurts me and scares me. i wish i had more money for therapy and other stuff but i dont think i do. i am getting my labs back soon for HRT but im still not sure if i want that, if its even worth it it seems pointless and stupid since i will never have a dick and never be able to feel like a boy, cum like a boy etc etc etc. i feel lonely and lost and frustrated and i needed to vent. thank you for listening. i am feeling more stable now.
I can completely relate, but I assure you, no matter what part of your transition you're at right now, you are a real man for being able to handle this. You always have been and always will be. If you need someone to talk to I'm always here.
