My mom bluntly confronted me today about my ridiculously obvious gender "stuff." She was so surprisingly supportive and nice, it completely caught me off guard. I feel guilty and scared because instead of just being happy and honest after I found out she was ok with it, I just felt deep shame and anxiety. I questioned what I was even doing and if I was really trans and didn't want to talk to my mom at all. After resting (and crying) for a bit I felt better and felt pretty happy but I still don't want to admit anything to my mom and I don't know why! I feel like other trans people are so honest and unapologetic about their feelings, and they're so sure. I feel invalidated and guilty for even complaining when my mom is being so great. Has anyone ever had this experience? Does it even make sense that I'm feeling like this? Thanks in advance.
It may have threw you off guard to be confronted about these things instead of waiting to come to your mom about it all. Perhaps you may not be ready to talk to your mom about it because you aren't so sure about things yourself (Which is perfectly ok!). It isn't an easy task to figure yourself out, especially with gender identity because it is how you feel about yourself internally, not about attraction to other people. It's something that takes self discovery and quite a lot of time to figure out. It may also seem like a lot of trans folk are honest about there feelings but I think that is because all of the stories you read hear about being honest with people about it is because they have figured it out so they feel comfortable being open as they know what they are feeling which can make it a lot easier to know what you're going to say. Talking to your mom about it may help a lot. You don't have to pay anything to talk to her about your feelings, she is around all the time and she has known you for 18 years. While she likely isn't as experienced as a specialized therapist she is probably the next best thing, if not even better than a therapist. Plus now you know that she is supportive and likely open to discussions about it, which is great! A lot of people in your situation do not have that which is definitely something that will help you immensely. Consider taking a little time to rest and re-center yourself, even if that is a day or a week or two and try talking to your mom about it. You could prepare some ground rules before hand if there are certain things you don't want to talk about with her. From the little you've said it sounds like your mom is a blessing, many people would do anything to have a supportive parent!
Thanks. Sometimes I am so sure, but when she confronted me like that I just lost all my confidence. I've had a rocky relationship with my mom in the past, the situation is really weird. My mind goes blank under stress and I can't form thoughts. I don't know what's going on but I'm getting depressed for no reason.
Sometimes when you first come out to somebody, it can make you feel like this. It's because now it is out there. Before it was something that you knew, but your family did not. Now that it is out there, it is something that is more permanent. There is more risk when you come out to family members. Also, since she confronted you about it, that could make you more unsure about it. I would go with it for now. As time goes on, you may get more comfortable again, or you may need to figure out what you need to do to make yourself more comfortable.
Thanks so much, I think you're both right. I'm going to just talk about it and figure things out myself.
