After talking to my sister who firmly believes I am a man and that my saying I am trans is a way my subconscious decided to cope with my depression and ocd, I'm really starting to doubt myself. I know what she said is crap, that she's projecting her fear of 'losing a brother' onto me by trying to convince me and herself that it's not real. But I still don't know. I've been trying for a couple days to ignore it like my sister said, and I looked in the mirror today with this cute outfit on and I liked the aesthetic, I liked the manly but not too manly look I had going on, and while I don't see myself as that much of a man, I enjoyed the male aesthetic I'm wearing, with my beard stubble and arm hair. I'd still rather have breasts and a vagina than a penis, but I'm not dysphoric about it rn. Sometimes I'm just like I wanna be me, don't care what my gender is, although those moods are usually accompanied by a lack of motivation to even leave my room or interact with others so I won't take that feeling too seriously. Before I was pretty confident that I'm either MTF or genderfluid, but my gender is a sensitive and fragile ordeal for me it was stupid to let my sister in on that, she's not good at being sensitive or tactful. I'm just doubting my own judgement, which I shouldn't do, but mental illness could throw a wrench in my perception, so my sis hit that right on the dot and now all my research and introspection is potentially invalidated. I'm kind of mad at her for doing that, I've been getting so much better about accepting my gender and she completely destroyed that confidence and she just goes on with her day like nothing happened and wouldn't even understand what she did even if I told her it hurt me, shed just think I'm being too sensitive and should get over it. Sorry I'm rambling. TL;DR: sis got me doubting myself and identity, so wat do :help:
It's true that anxiety and ocd can mess with things but you can have those traits and still be trans or gender fluid. Feeling out of place can cause you to be more anxious if you are afraid of what others see or think. For me, my anxiety and depression do not invalidate thae fact that I am agender and my therapist and psychiatrist agree. It is something to consider, but you can be both. In fact, worrying about if iti s real or or comes out of the anxiety is a symptom of anxiety and I had those concerns for a while as well. I wish you the best.
